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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29964354">[ your name ]</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Closetofbees/pseuds/Closetofbees'>Closetofbees</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, Captain Levi Ackerman, Developing Relationship, During Canon, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, Suffering, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, friends - Freeform, mostly canon, slight AU</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 02:21:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,847</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29964354</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Closetofbees/pseuds/Closetofbees</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet” … but if she were a rose, she would be filled with thorns and bear no petals. Her name would be poison, and she would fill his veins. Or maybe the right name was sickness; like the desire he couldn’t quite quell. Whatever the name, if he couldn’t rid himself of that feeling, they would both be dancing in a burning room.</p><p>Charlotte Avery was a woman known by many names. Charlie, flower maiden, high borne, philanthropist, blasphemous. 'Friend of Erwin Smith' was one not advertised. It seems some names and late night scheming came free of charge with her transfer from the capital. "Useless Mitras brat" was much better fitting, at least in the opinion of a little Captain. Of all the Scouts to wear the wings, Levi was going to be the one to show her what it took to gain the name of one. And maybe then the blood and sorrow would wash away, and something more could take its place.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi Ackerman &amp; Original Female Character(s), Original Male Character - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Rumours</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This will be a lengthy and heavy fic. My current plans will have it start fairly slow, to give lots of character and future relationship building. First posted fic. I'm considering this rent payment for all the others living in my brain rent free...</p><p>TW will be placed here for all future chapters.</p><p>Contextual notes, and anecdotal rants will be at the end. </p><p>Enjoy</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>
  <strong>January 10th Y848</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Levi stood outside the chamber where Erwin was discussing something so important; he hadn’t been permitted to enter with him. He didn’t protest when Commander Nile Dok told him, and his eager military dog, to remain outside the door like decorative statues.</p><p>He ignored the man clad in a pressed and clean uniform on the other side of the doorframe. The effort and trim were wasted on someone who wore the unicorn emblem, not that he expected the soldier to understand. He still looked like a child with how sparse his facial hair was growing.</p><p>The faint tones behind the door were lost to other sounds in the hall. Levi couldn’t hear what they were talking about. Other military dogs were wandering to stick their noses into business that didn’t involve them, or simply to sneer or stare in Levi’s direction. Was it supposed to bother him? He could snarl twice as fierce back, but held restraint. It wasn’t really worth his effort, or the look Erwin would give him for causing the trouble in the capital. They were supposed to remain under the guise of eager to be in Mitras headquarters. Their approval was at an all time low, even with Erwin's revival to their image, and they couldn’t afford to have more backlashes against the Scouts.</p><p>Instead he stared at the wall, thinking about all the tea tins he could bring back before they returned to base. He tried not to let the cobwebs in the corner that someone had missed while cleaning invade in its place.</p><p>“On guard duty again Paul?” One of the men stopped, to talk to the soldier stationed opposite of him. Levi didn’t flinch, and merely side-eyed the two as they blathered on. It was hard to ignore their conversation as Paul had such a nasally voice.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s been a hell of a slow day Finn,” He rolled his eyes.</p><p>“I hear that. I’m taking my fourth hall rotation just to get away from the Deputy Commander.” Finn shook his head.</p><p>“He still in a piss poor mood?”</p><p>“Well wouldn’t you be if the Commander of the Scout Legion was fucking your sister?” The two laughed, despite being in his presence. Levi didn’t find the rumor so funny. The audacity of speaking ill of a commander (his commander) just a door away made him fantasize all the ways in which he could rip out Finn’s tongue from his mouth. He’d like to see him spit rumours then.</p><p>His glare did not go unnoticed, but it did get overlooked. “Is it true you’ve slain over a hundred of those things?” The way he said ‘those things’ indicated he had never actually seen a titan. The military police were full of spoilt Mitras brats who could afford luxuries of never leaving the safety of the inner walls.</p><p>“Would you like a demonstration outside the walls to see for yourself?” He kept his voice calm, and free of implications. Finn looked disgusted he had even made the suggestion.</p><p>“You must be able to pull a lot of ladies with that title. What was it again ‘Humanity’s Strongest’?” Paul grinned wolfishly.</p><p>That stupid title was more of an ornament than an honour. Something to make him shiny and pretty for the surface, and distract away from his lack of surname and filth that never quite washed away. It was nauseating how easily it was turned to an insult in the mouth of that brat.</p><p>“Does your mother want to meet me or something?” He said disinterestedly, but hoped it was enough for them to leave him alone.</p><p>Paul’s face turned hostile, and Finn grabbed at the fabric of his jacket to keep him from lunging.</p><p>“Listen you asshole—</p><p>Paul’s sentence cut short as the doors to the chamber opened slowly. The brunette suddenly stood a little straighter, and his dumb little friend made himself scarce as if he wasn’t just wasting everyone’s time for the past ten minutes.</p><p>Erwin emerged first.</p><p>“We’re just about done here.” He told Levi. His face held nothing of the normal stress it carried when dealing with the Mitras higher-ups.</p><p>“What an uncharacteristically quick meeting.” He replied. Normally the big men of the capital were begging for Erwin to come by more, so they could wear him down a little at a time. Having a new Commander with more resolve and lofty ambitions than the previous was not something they were particularly fond of, and made every effort to drag him back to Mitras so they could tell him in seven different ways.</p><p>“It’s best not to waste time with sensitive matters like these,” Nile told him with an tone of aristocracy. “Major Berkin, escort the Commander and Captain back to their carriage.”</p><p>“Sir,” Paul said respectfully. It was incredibly caustic how the sight of a bigger dog made him put his tail between his legs obediently. He didn’t utter another word the entire way back, and left no remnants of their heated exchange other than the tight grip on his rifle.</p><p>Levi kept his strides to that of Erwin’s, which was a challenge given how lanky of a fucker he was.</p><p>“I’m sorry Levi, but we won’t have time to make stops this time.” Erwin wasn’t really apologetic. He was never one to find appreciation in such fine things like a good damn cup of tea. Levi only sighed. He hated Mitras but wanted something to show from going to the dump.</p><p>“Eager to leave so soon? Having a lover’s quarrel?” Despite the clear sarcasm Erwin kept his boring straightened face. Erwin rarely found humour in his anecdotes, at least not on the outside. </p><p>"If I told you we were bringing home a souvenir, would you be interested in hearing more?"</p><p>"It depends what we're bringing back." </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The pocket watch in her breast pocket, ticked twice as slow as her thrumming heart. The most prized possession of Charlie Avery went everywhere she did. Maybe she thought it would bring her some sort of luck on this dreadful day if she had it on her in person. The scorn from her fellow MPs as she passed by told her that wasn’t such the case.</p><p>She blocked out their whispers, and did as she did best to hold her face straight and emotionless just as her mothers before her could wear. She had skin thicker than steel, and a few more rumours in the mill wouldn’t burn her yet.</p><p>
  <em>“There’s the little traitor,” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Spineless,” </em>
</p><p>
  <em>“How pathetic,” </em>
</p><p>The rumours weren’t exactly untrue per say, but they still didn’t inspire much creativity. If they wanted to offend her, they would have to try much harder. Creating a crack in her façade, would take near crushing pressure. Almost no one could leave her broken and raw anymore. But the mouths from which the whispers were released would never say their curses to her face. Only from the shadows where their anonymity could save their skins, would they spread their trash that flew through the halls like wildfire.</p><p>The two soldiers assigned to escort her to the exit hadn’t spoken one word to her but had given her over a dozen brazen glares after being told to handle her luggage. A single trunk was all she could afford to pack with the notice. </p><p>She had what she cared about, the pocket watch, mainly. Everything else could go up in flames. Which it might well be doing with how her so called comrades looked at her as she passed by.</p><p>What fun they would have burning a noble Avery’s belongings in a roaring fire.</p><p>Safi Bronc and Wilson Kilmer kept a steady pace in front of her. She knew their names, and undoubtedly they knew hers. Aside from being high born, they had worked under her while she organized the tax collections last season. It didn’t stop them from nearly spitting venom in her direction, now. Possibly the only thing stopping them was ironically her family name. No one wanted to insult an Avery, especially when one was sitting in the Deputy Commander’s chair, and another was in the King's Council.</p><p>She supposed they had a right to be in their poor moods. It wasn’t often someone from the interior made a transfer to the outer walls, let alone a full on demotion to the Scout Corps voluntarily.</p><p>
  <em>“She’s fucking the Scout Commander,” </em>
</p><p>Charlie disliked that rumour the most, but couldn’t help but to feel some sort of satisfaction from it. Despite how vulgar it was, it would make her eldest brother seethe through his ears. The shame of it all, creating a stain on their family name. One he couldn't publicly erase. </p><p>For once he would be powerless against something she did, and she let the thought keep her spirits up until they finally came to the exit where a carriage was pulling up.</p><p>Erwin Smith, and a smaller, darker haired man were already waiting.</p><p>He was still tall, slightly brusque and just has sunny-headed as she remembered. If Charlie could squint past the fine lines and bereavement hidden behind his eyes, she could almost mistake him from the last time she had seen him. In her mind, he was a little younger, thinner, and still hadn't gotten around to wearing the Commander's bolo. It suited him now.</p><p>The scowling man beside him looked just as warm as his demeanour. He was a good bit shorter than Erwin, to a degree that had Charlie believe she may even be taller than him. His arms were crossed, dark eyes narrowed, and looked just as unwelcoming as the military police that now cursed her name to the walls. His uniform was spotless, adorned by a cravat that didn't quite say 'modern gentleman' like fashioning it would have suggested.</p><p>Safi and Wilson threw her luggage trunk to the ground harshly.</p><p>“Oi, watch what you’re doing with that.” The small man beside Erwin snapped. The trunk had narrowly missed the toe of his shiny boot.</p><p>“Do you think we care?” Safi rolled his eyes, already walking away now that the bare minimum of his job was done.</p><p>“I hope you get torn to bits by a titan,” Wilson jeered.</p><p>“I appreciate the sentiment. I’ll be sure to think of you fondly when I tear one at the nape.” Her words came out dry and Wilson could tell she was replying with insincerity. She didn’t care much if he noticed; she wasn’t trying to hide it. She mentally filed away his name for when she’d need to remember how to feel angry. Her list was long and weighty.</p><p>“Traitor,” he spat to the ground.</p><p>He glanced behind her, and quickly left without another word.</p><p>The dark haired man mumbled incoherently to Erwin.</p><p>“Charlie?” Jamie Weston was standing almost behind her when she turned to greet him.</p><p>No wonder Wilson had left so quickly. A man three times his size and loyal to the woman he was insulting was enough to make him retreat like the coward he was.</p><p>“So you decided on coming, after all.” Her eyes drifted down to his luggage trunk under his arm, and the additional case strapped to his back. He didn’t need the escort, let alone the help to carry the weight on his large frame. There was no point in getting into a disagreement about his transfer either; his mind was clearly made up. Her pocket watch was still ticking slower than her heart, reminding her yet again she was on borrowed time, and not to waste any of it on petty arguments.</p><p>“You know I couldn’t let you go alone.” He said sincerely. His dedication to her existence would be the death of her.</p><p>“Lets get a move on, lovebirds. I’d like to get out of this shithole.” The short man next to Erwin opened the carriage door ungracefully, letting it slam against the side as he climbed in.</p><p>Charlie finally let her eyes settle on Erwin Smith. It had been almost two years since they were together in person, but it felt like a lifetime.</p><p>“We should get going.” He said plainly. “We can make pleasantries on the ride back to base.”</p><p>And away from the dogs that served her brother.</p><p>Erwin had already settled into his seat across from her by the time Jamie had secured the luggage to the top of the carriage. With him next to Charlie, the space became suddenly more cramped, even with Jamie trying his best to stay as small as possible. The space was too little for four (mostly) grown adults. There wasn't enough room or air for all the thick feelings she had been trying to avoid.</p><p>Military carriages, or rather ones allotted to the Scouts, were nothing like the ones she was used to. It was plain, and minimalistic. It didn’t have the glamour of the noble carriages, or the shiny hardware of the ones the military police used. It was second-hand, if she had to guess. It was too small for hushed conversations and all the anxiety that made her heart flutter.</p><p>The carriage started off, leaving an uncomfortable silence between the clicking of hooves. The only voice was that of the coachman, calling out that it would be an hour before they reached a checkpoint, and then a gentle coo to the horses pulling them.</p><p>“What do they call you?” The man next to Erwin had yet to uncross his arms or take the hard look off his face. Charlie was beginning to think that the sourness was not going to change anytime soon.</p><p>“Charlie Avery, sir.” She replied, keeping her face unchanged, even though it seemed like he was trying very hard to make her flinch under his stare. “And you?”</p><p>“Levi. Captain Levi.” He replied, not even looking at her anymore, but out the window.</p><p>When her brother had told her about the infamous Captain, she had always pictured someone more well spoken, and handsome. Not to mention a head or so taller.</p><p>“Like, <em>the</em> Captain Levi?” Jamie said in slight wonder. “Sorry, sir. I’m Jamie Weston. I’ve heard so much about ‘<em>Humanity’s Strongest</em>’.” He continued, still in awe and fully ignoring the fact the Levi didn’t seem to be fully interested or engaged in what he had to say. The little Captain was staring off at the cityscape passing by.</p><p>Erwin gave the slightest sound of amusement from under his breath.</p><p>“Erwin, it’s good to see you again.” Charlie finally said to him. Partially a lie. The last time they had spoke in person, she had practically twisted a knife into his chest.</p><p>“You look like you’ve been well.” The air was awkward and his words came out artificially, like he was telling another high born a compliment to get resources allotted to his men. He couldn't mean it either. Liars, the pair of them. Charlie had been beaten like a rock against a flowing stream in the capital. Maybe it made him happy to know she suffered from not choosing him. But maybe he was still overly polite from all the times she punched him in the arm when they were young. He had learned the hard way not to comment on a woman’s appearance.</p><p>“And your name soldier?” He was looking to Jamie.</p><p>“Jamie Weston, s-sir.” He straightened his back and became stiff at the sight of the Commander’s eyes on him. His voice became an octave higher; resisting the urge of a panicked twang.</p><p>Charlie liked the way his voice sounded naturally, when he wasn’t trying to say too few words to stop the accent that would lace his speech. It sounded like a warm home, somewhere in the mountains where he came from.</p><p>“Looks like you got two Mitras brats for the price of one,” Levi interjected. His eyes were once again on her, digging in like little daggers.</p><p>Daring to meet his stare, Charlie looked back. His eyes were not the same hue she had thought; but merely shadowed from his hair falling in his face, and the constant scowl that overcast his features. They were a hardened grey, slate, and cool. They were stormy, and surprisingly deep. Most of all, they held not one morsel of trust, at least not for her.</p><p>She looked away first, feeling scrutinized. Like he could see the blood she was bathed in, and smell the regret that clung to her skin.</p><p>She had nothing to prove to him.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>The need to scrub came over him like he was drowning, and cleaning was the only way to reach air.</p><p>Levi started with a hot bath, and spent the better part of it scrubbing away the imaginary filth he had picked up in Mitras, close to the place he tried to forget. When he was satisfied and towelled off, he moved to other parts of the castle.</p><p>It wasn’t hard to find some neglected corner in a room that a rookie glossed over haphazardly. He was conflicted with being both grateful and annoyed with that fact.</p><p>He wasn’t sure how long he mopped the floor of an unused classroom for, but when he was satisfied, he felt more assured he’d be able to get some sort of peace back in his own quarters. Not restful sleep, peace, but time with a hot cup of tea and a book at least. It was better than the nights he would spend on the underside of the kitchen tables when his mind truly gave no reprieve.</p><p>Years of living in the underground still made him adept at navigating in the dark. It was late in the evening, well past curfew, and most of the hallway torches had been put out.</p><p>There was some small amusement that came from finding a soldier out past his bedtime, and scaring the ever-loving shit out of him in the dark. Most of the rookies knew better. Levi was known to roam the grounds at night.</p><p>The slight noise of movement one hall over drew his attention.</p><p>The night would hold some excitement for him, it would seem.</p><p>Peering around the corner he saw a head of long blonde hair that had tangled at the ends. For a moment he couldn’t recall who in the hell looked like she did. Such a feminine presence blanked in his mind. The new transfer, Charlie Avery, had the same head of long golden hair.</p><p>There was something about making a noble shrink under his presence that brought him joy. He was going to give the Mitras brat a proper welcome, by ordering her to stable duty as soon as the sun was up. Levi was about to launch himself from behind the wall, but another face halted his movement.</p><p>He was glad he hesitated.</p><p>Erwin Smith was trailing behind her.</p><p>A displeasing taste filled his mouth.</p><p>
  <em>“Well wouldn’t you be if the Commander of the Scout Legion was fucking your sister?”</em>
</p><p>Finns’s stupid, arrogant voice rang in his ears like he was still on the other side of the doorframe in Mitras.</p><p>The itch in his hands returned.</p><p>He couldn’t seem to get the thought from his head, as the two walked silently in the opposite direction. </p><p>Rumours, they were only rumours, he repeated to himself. Erwin was a man with two sides, one that was quiet and scheming, and another that was openly honest and ambitious. He couldn't tell which Erwin was the one that chose to indulge in the late night affair with the new transfer.</p><p>Just rumours.</p><p>Sleep would not come. He felt like he still needed to clean.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Short beginnings just to set up. Everything that is ambiguous will eventually make sense.</p><p>I imagine Levi would have mumbled something along the lines of "you call this a fucking souvenir?" to Erwin at the carriage.</p><p>I plan to follow as closely as I can to the main story, and add speculation. This isn't meant to be an AU. Part of this idea stemmed from the 'world' in which SNK is set in, and the backstory of a few of my favourite characters. I plan to fully give Erwin, Hange, Levi and Moblit (aka the best boy of Fourth Squad) back stories and lives pre Scout Corps. It was one thing I always wanted more of in the series. So, here I am. Writing my little heart out about it. Charlie is just along for the ride/ here to suffer.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Memories of That Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Second chapter.</p><p>TW: mentions of PTSD</p><p>Context/ bonus notes will be at the end of the chapter. </p><p>Enjoy.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>January 11<sup>th</sup> Y848</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Charlie was an incredibly light sleeper. She had barely closed her eyes, when her bunkmate tossed noisily through the rest of the night, keeping her awake.</p><p>By the time she finally settled, Nanaba was awake to rouse the rest of the barracks. The sun was barely peeking over the horizon.</p><p>“Time to get up new girl,” The lanky blonde was at the end of her bed one moment, and gone the next, not lingering to make conversation. She had done much the same the night before, when she was shown her place to sleep and made her introduction.</p><p>Feet dangled down from the bunk above her. A small, mousy looking brunette hopped down. The girl had a striking resemblance to a rabbit caught in a snare.</p><p>“O-oh. You’re awake. I’m Ernette Kalper. We’ll be bunk mates, I guess.” Her voice was just as small as her composure, and she struggled to keep her hazel eyes on Charlie’s pale green as she spoke.</p><p>“Nice to meet you. Charlie Avery.” She offered in return, though it wasn’t much of a first impression as she was still lying in bed. She uncovered herself from the thin blanket that didn’t do much against the chill in the air, and rubbed her tired and puffy face.</p><p>“F-first nights are always the hardest. I didn’t sleep very much my first night in the barracks either. There were a lot of unfamiliar noises.”</p><p>It wasn’t just the noise. It was the secrecy, scheming, and weight of everything that kept her awake against her tired body’s will.</p><p>Ernette rifled through a crate beneath the bed, grabbing a fresh uniform and wrapped bar of soap.</p><p>Charlie hadn’t considered a shower, but a quick rinse off may just do the trick in making her more alert. She opened her luggage trunk at the foot of the bed, grabbing her own soap bar, and fresh clothing. Thankfully the base uniform was standard for all military regiments, she wouldn’t need to go through the effort of getting another. But her jacket... She wondered if they would let her burn it. She would need another with the wings of freedom.</p><p>Ernette waited for her. Despite Charlie’s unsettling calm face, Ernette still made polite conversation with her all the way to the showers. It was an oddly comforting gesture. She would need to get used to female company again. It was hard to lower her guard to the wiry woman when her brain was filled with acid from a lifetime of dealing with noble ones.</p><p>“Keep it under three minutes,” Nanaba reminded, she was already towelling off her bright crop of hair.</p><p>Ernette shyly turned away from the three other women in the showers and began to strip away the sleeping pants and long shift she was in. In fact, most of the other women did not try to make eye contact or conversation. The room was too large for the amount of women enlisted currently, and the fact was amplified by all the empty spaces each of them could stare into. She wasn’t sure if it was always like this, or simply because she was there. When she had been a cadet, the showers were almost comically boisterous and crowded; too small for all the young women eager to join the ranks. In the interior, she never needed to share a bathroom. She was promoted rather quickly for a number of reasons, and that afforded her private quarters.</p><p>Charlie hadn’t had a ‘military standard’ shower since her time in the cadets. The tanks used a combination of hydraulic pressure and gravity. They were probably the same ones from the academy, and would need to have the reservoirs filled each week. There was a saving grace of the coal powered boiler tank that one of the other girls had gotten to a low glow of embers.</p><p>To her displeasure it did little to warm the water sitting out in the winter cold. Not wanting to brave a full on shower, Charlie grabbed a bucket instead, and lowered her expectations to sponge bath. She pumped out a small bit of water, and found a clean cloth to drape over an unused stool out of the way.</p><p>After disrobing herself from her sleeping attire, she lathered her floral smelling soap and washed. She would eventually need a shower to clean her hair, but that was a thought for another, warmer, day.</p><p>“Hang up anything wet,” Ernette had waited for her at the cubbies.</p><p>Charlie did as instructed, pinning her drenched cloth and damp towel to a clothesline hanging along a wall. She noticed a linen bag full of soiled towels next to a washbasin.</p><p>“You do your own laundry.” It was less of a question and more of a statement. In the interior, they had a laundry service that would handle all soiled linens. </p><p>“The boys help sometimes. But we do our personal clothes.” She could only imagine how uncomfortable it must be to imagine some young boy handling their undergarments, and it was probably why they did it in the first place.</p><p>“Your soap smells nice.” Ernette fingered the frayed cloth around her mangled bar of soap. It was yet another thing that she was never faced in the capital. Good soap was a luxury item in the lower walls.</p><p>Batting away the uncomfortable feeling in her chest, and keeping her face blank, Charlie broke away a piece of her soap to give to her.</p><p>“Here,” she said, and hoped it would silence all the itchiness the interaction brought her. She blamed it on the tightness of her skin from the lack of lotion.</p><p>Ernette gave her a wide-eyed stare, smiling to her ears. “Thank you,” she took the sliver gingerly.</p><p>Once they were in the mess hall, their clumsy interactions were over. Ernette was beckoned to a table with curious gazes. Charlie didn’t mind in the slightest. She was having more difficulty finding common ground with the girl, despite all the efforts. Her lack of sleep probably made her look even more withdrawn than normal, and she wasn’t willing to try and swat away questions of interior life from strangers.</p><p>Jamie was easy enough to spot. He was twice the size of an average solider, after all. His head of dark hair had become a beacon to the near empty table by the time Charlie had taken the porridge and empty teacup that was offered from the scullery maids.</p><p>A blonde was seated next to him. It took Charlie a moment to recognize the man; his hair was twice as tall as it had been in the academy.</p><p>“Gelgar,” she greeted with slight surprise. He had survived two years in the Scouts after all.</p><p>“Charlie,” He replied back curtly. His pompous attitude remained the same.</p><p>Jamie took a break from his large portion of porridge. “I hope you don’t mind, Charlie. We’ve been catching up on everything over the past few years.” He smiled in a way that showed his sharp canines, something that on him made him look coy.</p><p>“Still as charming as ever, Jamie. It’s why the kitchen gave you milk.” Gelgar teased. Jamie’s cheeks flushed.</p><p>“Issnot.” His voice twanged.</p><p>Charlie still found it amusing that the two bickered after time away from each other. She used the teacup to hide the traces of a smile, as she took a sip. The tea was incredibly bland and over brewed, but it was warm.</p><p>Gelgar and Jamie chatted amongst themselves about who was doing what from their graduating class. There was less than a handful of the 99h class left, now. Moblit Berner, Thomas Port, and Perdita Rauset were all that were left from the eleven that had committed to joining the Scouts.</p><p>“Moblit was brought up to Sergeant Major and then Team Leader pretty fast.” Charlie tried to ignore how Gelgar still talked with his mouth full.</p><p>“Well he was front line with us. They promoted us pretty quick in the interior too, after…” Jamie’s voice trailed. That day: the fall of Shiganshina.</p><p>“We’re down to first class Privates now.” Charlie corrected, trying to change the subject that would arise every emotion she had been avoiding since wall Maria was compromised.</p><p>“What do you know, I’m finally above the great Charlie Avery. I’m a Lance Corporal myself now. I think you’ll move up faster if you learn from me.” Gelgar was far too smug with his slow advancement in the ranks. Charlie was a Staff Sergeant in the interior; it was probably the highest rank she could achieve, and only in part due to her brother. Women rarely progressed beyond that in the capital; there were too many offended nobles for them to be a mid or high ranking one.</p><p>“You’d move up a lot faster if you didn’t half ass your duties.” There was a monolith of a man behind Charlie. She had always thought her brothers were tall by most standards, but this man seemed to put them to shame.</p><p>The man in question was a statuesque blond, that looked just as rugged as the patch of facial hair growing around his mouth.</p><p>“Section Leader Mike, sir,” Gelgar straightened in his chair. He panicked at his superior’s presence and gave a salute sitting down, bread still in hand.</p><p>“Don’t be so tense. We don’t salute during meal times.” He reminded, as if mocking him. Something vexed Mike. He started sniffing at the air, which fully perplexed both Jamie and Charlie as they looked at each other.</p><p>He circled around the table, finally settling behind Charlie. “It’s you who smells like that.” He mumbled. Charlie tried not to be offended as she had <em>just </em>washed before breakfast. She kept her face straight, shamelessly looking him in the eye with a simple ‘sir’.</p><p>He walked off to the table with the other high-ranking officers, not bothering for an explanation or proper introduction. </p><p>“Sorry, he has a keen sense of smell. It’s his thing. It’s better not to ask.” Gelgar admitted once Mike was out of earshot. He slumped back down into his chair.</p><p>“I wonder where we’re going to be assigned.” Jamie thought aloud.</p><p>“We’ll find out soon enough,” She said. Between the sniffing guy, and the infamous captain that was always scowling, Charlie could only hope there was one normal squad she could be of use to. She had grown tired of being ornamental.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Have you given it any thought?” Erwin cut straight to the point once Mike was seated. All four Section Leaders were finally together at the mess hall table, and he trusted they had gotten his notice of request into consideration. Charlie Avery and Jamie Weston needed to be placed into a squad. It was the foremost important of his tasks for the day.</p><p>The decision should have warranted a meeting in his office, but truth be told after a long trip to the capital, and even longer night looking at paper and sneaking around to get things in motion with Charlie, his eyes needed the change of scenery. It was pleasant being among the recruits in the thick of things, even if they did stiffen a little under his presence.</p><p>These days it also seemed like all the leaders only sat together on business anyways.</p><p>Dita Ness, Mike Zacharias, Hange Zoe and Levi all seemed to be mulling over their thoughts silently.</p><p>“I don’t want either in my squad.” Levi said plainly. He grabbed his cup of tea abrasively by the top.</p><p>Erwin expected as much.</p><p>“If one of them needs to be placed with Third Squad, I won’t object to an order, but I want it on record I’d prefer to keep my team dynamics as is.” Dita Ness’ response came more of a surprise. Normally he was eager for new Scouts. He was one of the veterans that could recall when the halls were fuller and livelier. But recent years had made him jaded towards the interior. He was the lead Equestrian veterinarian, and with funding from Mitras scarce, the stables were left in a state of near disarray.</p><p>“Just say you can’t stand the military police pigs, and the brats from Mitras.” Levi deadpanned at Dita’s more polite reasoning. “There’s no point trying to spare the Erwin’s feelings. It’s not like him to take things so personally.”</p><p>Dita scoffed, and it sounded eerily similar to a horse.<br/><br/>Erwin filed away his remarks for a later conversation. Levi’s wording was a tad specific. He of course, wasn’t going to give preferential treatment to Charlie. In the grand scheme of things, she was another cog in the death machine that proved to be the Scout Regiment. She was an adult who knew what she was signing onto.</p><p>“All opinions aside, Mike, Hange?” He directed.</p><p>“I’ll take the big guy.” He offered, arms crossed over his chest. “He seems to be able to put up with Gelgar.”</p><p>“They were all from the 99<sup>th</sup> class,” Erwin added, with just enough context so they may have more interest, but not enough to look into it more.</p><p>“Does that mean they were part of the first brigade at the fall of Shiganshina, too?” Hange asked almost too cheerily. “Moblit’s mentioned that his class was used as a first brigade against the breach until reinforcements arrived. I wonder how close they got to the hole.”</p><p>“Put one of the brats on your squad and find out for yourself,” Levi had become more disinterested in the conversation, as he poured a third cup of tea for himself. If they another pot wasn't brought over soon, Erwin feared he would leave the table altogether before the conversation was even over.</p><p>Hange was still mumbling to herself, as if thinking over the option.</p><p>“Erwin, what do you think?” She was at an impasse.</p><p>“I’m sure she’ll do well under strong female leadership,” Erwin said to assure her. It was meant less as a compliment than intended, but it didn’t stop her from getting gushy over the sentiment.</p><p>“Aww, thanks Erwin. I’m sure she’s not so bad.”</p><p>“All bark and no bite,” Levi added, and Erwin wanted to correct him but couldn’t. A memory of woman with golden locks commanding grown men was not something he needed to dwell on now. Most of that woman was just wisps of that memory now.</p><p>“She had top scores in academics, and attended a private academy in the interior. She should prove useful to the research team.” Erwin said instead. “I’ll finalize things by this afternoon. Have someone pick up their profiles for your placements.” The moment he stopped addressing them, Hange immediately spewed into talk of her aforementioned research.</p><p>She talked for seven minutes straight before Levi told her to shut up.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Charlie had been assigned mess hall duty, but was pleasantly surprised that the tables were well kept, even after breakfast. Jamie was told to clear away the courtyard snowfall from the night before. She felt briefly sympathetic given his poor relationship with the frigid weather.</p><p>She put away any spare plates and food to the kitchen, and gave the top surfaces a wipe down. The undersides seem to have been recently scrubbed of any filth.</p><p>She was not unfamiliar with common duties. It made her think of her time at Our Lady of Mercy, when the girls would work in pairs to chatter as they swept. No high born girl was safe from Sister Alena's keen eye; she'd catch every cobweb missed during her inspections. During the cadets, the instructors would yell and berate them to clean better, but no one really did. Everyone worked quickly, missing specks of mud and dust just to avoid drill sergeant Casper Ford's wrath from being too slow. </p><p>The Sisters at Our Lady of Mercy always cared for quality over quantity. Sister Alena's voice would still ring in her ears from time to time telling her to <em>"treat every place you care for as ceremoniously as the church, so it may never be sullied."</em> So she swept and mopped even more carefully, so she could hear her voice chastise her a little longer.</p><p>A man name Rashad wore an astonished look when he had come looking for her, and found her still tidying.</p><p>“Section Leader Hange is requesting you to her office.” He told her, after a brief introduction. Rashad Price, she memorized, a team leader for the Fourth Squad.</p><p>He walked briskly through a maze of hallways. Charlie was struggling to remember every turn, and made note to find some sort of layout for the grounds later if time permitted. The Scout Corps operational headquarters was much smaller than the just one of the military police regiment bases. She would be surprised if the total number of enlistment was over 300 soldiers.</p><p>Rashad didn’t make any conversation. The robust man kept a straight face that only looked ahead, save for the few times he glanced over apprehensively back to Charlie to make sure she was still following him.</p><p>They stopped in front of a door on an upper level of the West wing.</p><p>“Team Leader Price,” He announced, knocking twice on the door.</p><p>Charlie could hear frantic shuffling, followed by the door creaking open.</p><p>The woman she was expected to meet, Hange Zoe, was not who answered the door.</p><p>Moblit Berner.</p><p>She took in the sights of a man she hadn’t seen in years. He was just as lanky with the poor uneasy stance she remembered him having. Seeing someone from <em>that day </em>brought up things she usually kept in check.</p><p>The smell of gunpowder and rust from dried blood filled her senses as if she were still standing in the thick of the breach. Clear as day, she remembered one of their platoons getting smashed down and smeared like a ripe tomato on the rooftop. Moblit was next to her one minute, and lost in the smoke of decimated building the next.</p><p>“Charlie,” Moblit jumbled out, also not expecting to see her. Two years seemed like an inch of thread from the last time they stood in front of another.</p><p>His voice drew her from her thoughts. She swatted away the intrusive memories off to the side. She was slightly annoyed with how wistful she had become around her graduating class. She was upset that the thoughts of Shiganshina had silenced the Sisters reminding her to keep her posture straight and eyes in contact. Her face was better trained than her mind, it remained levelled in spite of the the turmoil.</p><p>She saluted.</p><p>“Team Leader,” She forfeited saying his name aloud. The last time she had, it practically was coming out in a scream.</p><p>He hesitantly opened the door wider to let her inside. The tension was thick in the room from their meeting, along with the stagnant air. The curtains were drawn to cover most of the windows, that made the office darker than it needed to be with a full days’ sun still out.</p><p>Charlie kept reins on her horror. The room was messy. There were crates shoved into the corners that took up both space in the room, and in Charlie’s mind.</p><p>Hange Zoe was hunched over a workbench, an array of papers and materials spread out to encumber every inch of surface area. Even leaned over in a way that was unfit for good posture, she looked to be a head or so taller.</p><p>She wasn’t as Charlie had imagined a woman leader to look. When she pictured the day a woman in the capital took power, the thoughts were always of the prim and polished girls that spent ages laying their hair right. This woman’s hair was thrown back into a messy ponytail and frizzed where the straps from her glasses rubbed the back of her head. She was leaner, with broader shoulders that gave her a hardy appearance.</p><p>“Ah, Charlie! We haven’t really formally met, though Erwin has told me a little about your achievements. I’m curious to know how such a promising private academy student found interest in the military.” Hange Zoe was smiling overtop her blueprints. She barely stepped away from her standing workbench to make a proper greeting.</p><p>“I’m Section Leader Hange Zoe, leader of the Fourth Squad!” She said much too excitedly. “But please, call me Hange. Anything else doesn’t really suit me.”</p><p>Charlie still gave her salute, with a small ‘ma’am’ to show her respects.</p><p>Moblit had closed the door after seeing off Rashad, and now she was trapped.</p><p>“You’re probably wondering why I’ve called you down here. Let me get right to it… Congratulations! You are now an official member of the Fourth Squad.” Her voice was cheery. It was an odd change from the poorly hidden dismay she was receiving from most.</p><p>Unable to react to what should have been good news, Charlie could only say her thanks.</p><p>“Not much of a talker, huh? You’ll warm up. We have much to discuss, in very little time. You’ll need to be added into our current formation plans, and assigned regular duties. Fourth Squad oversees administrative and non-combative roles. We have all the heads for payroll, deployment, logistics, supplies and the medical staff. Normally I would see to this personally, but I’m extremely behind on my deadlines.” Through her rambling, she looked to Moblit, who didn’t indulge in her playful banter.</p><p>“You’re behind because you don’t fill out your paperwork on time,” He said calmly.</p><p>Hange laughed loudly. “That’s what you’re here for!” She chirped. “Have you heard any about our research?” Her warm brown eyes were twinkling beneath her glasses.</p><p>“I can’t say I know much,” Charlie admitted. “I mostly worked tax collections, passport documentation and probation for high crimes against the capital.” Her shoulders slumped only slightly, but Hange still looked eager. The capital was less than interested in anything related to the Scouts. Gelgar had mentioned that the Fourth Squad Section Leader was eccentric, but mentioning the research she conducted didn’t seem like a topic he wanted to get into.</p><p>“I read on your overview. You worked mostly administration despite your high combat scores. That will need to be reassessed—another thing for another time.” She sighed. “But it’ll be good news for Felix, Pere and Bryer. I’m sure they’ll be thrilled to have someone who knows what they’re doing. Your file didn’t mention medical or convoy experience, though.” There would be a lot of gaps on her profile. Her brother’s doing. It was better for the military police if the work they forced her to do wasn't documented on paper. In the haste of the transfer she doubted Nile would be able to do anything about it.</p><p>“I had my second class medical certificate. No convoy experience.” Charlie replied. She didn’t need to mention anything else unrelated.</p><p>“Well, add that to the list. Moblit, you have been making a list right? There’s so much to do I’ve forgotten some of it already,” She scratched her cheek. Moblit made a sound of annoyance behind her, but Hange only seemed to find it amusing.</p><p>Charlie found it astounding a superior officer could be so lenient. It was strange, to say the least.</p><p>Moblit scrawled onto a scrap piece of paper, one of many that were lying around.</p><p>“For now I’ll leave it to the administration staff to delegate tasks. I’d love to keep you around and ask about the capital, and my research on the titans. Oh! To get you into the lab, too. Or even Shiganshina, I have so many questions—</p><p>“Hange, she needs to report to Felix before they leave for lunch,” Moblit interrupted with perfect timing. Charlie did not want to think about that day anymore.</p><p>“Right, right. Another time,” She was smiling warmly.</p><p>Moblit ushered her out of the office quickly, without room for a salute.</p><p>He let out a long exasperated sigh. “First rule of Fourth Squad… If you don’t keep her in check, she’ll just keep talking.” He told her, leading her away from the office.</p><p>It really made Charlie wonder who was in charge of whom. Moblit had come a long way from anxiously wringing his hands during basic training drills in the cadets.</p><p>“Gelgar told me you’re a Team Leader now,” She said to fill the uncomfortable silence between them as they walked.</p><p>His face became modest. “I didn’t think you two would want to talk to each other,”</p><p>“He was talking to Jamie this morning at breakfast.”</p><p>“He’s going to be assigned to Second Squad with Mike. Gelgar is assigned there too.”</p><p>Charlie’s face was steel, but she still let out a small breath of displeasure. She hadn't expected him to shadow her forever and be a presence of comfort. But he was someone she trusted, and now he was farther away from her, and closer to someone that annoyed her incredibly.</p><p>“I don’t speak to him much anymore for the same reason.” Moblit let out a low chuckle.</p><p>“He doesn’t seem very motivated.” Charlie admitted. He hadn’t been in the academy either. Gelgar had always been more interested in camaraderie than responsibility.</p><p>“He’s not. But he is talented. Section Leader Mike hand-picked him for his squad. That’s another thing…” He procured a pencil that was hidden away in his jacket pocket. He wrote down something messily in comparison to his other notes. Charlie couldn’t read what it said.</p><p>“Your writing has gotten neater,” She tried to mention casually.</p><p>Moblit looked embarrassed at the mention of it. “Someone has to be the tidy one between the two of us,”</p><p>Silence overtook them again. Her insides were bubbling anxiously. She, Moblit and Jamie. They had once all been friends. She had once considered them a team. It felt like she didn't even know him anymore. Her head was swarming. </p><p>“Thank you,” She admitted quietly to soothe the unrest she was feeling. The mood was still awkward. It felt like there was a gorge between them, forged from time apart, and filled with the bodies of the comrades they had lost. She wasn’t sure how to bridge over. She didn't know how he could be so comfortable. She wondered if he felt it too, or if he had managed to find peace from his work in the Scouts.</p><p>“It’s nothing. I can keep Hange in order if she starts getting on your nerves,” It was much too kind an offer that Charlie felt she didn’t deserve. She had abandoned him.</p><p>Moblit didn’t knock before entering the administration office. It was yet another room that hadn't been labelled on the outside to indicate its use.</p><p>The room was bright, unlike Hange’s office. There were several windows lining the back wall that the room spanned, with all of the curtains pulled back. Desks were placed in uneven rows against each other, and much the same as the Fourth Squad Leader’s office, had crates stacked everywhere filled with paper. There were more stacks of paper than people in the room equipped to handle it.</p><p>Despite the chaos that seemed to be everywhere Hange had reach, the four soldiers in the room were composed, barely looking up to greet Moblit.</p><p>“Felix,” Moblit gained the attention of a dull blond, working away at the pile of papers before him. </p><p>The man looked up, uninterested in both his presence and greeting with the standard salute to a superior officer. Moblit didn’t seem bothered.</p><p>“Tell Hange I’m not interested in helping her.” He said adamantly, in a tone that would have a normal soldier reprimanded in the capital. His voice carried rasp to it that could only be acquired by smoking too many cigarettes. </p><p>Moblit still kept calm at the outburst. “That’s not why I’m here. Of course she’d ask for you to help with her research before this.” He grumbled. “Felix, this is Charlie, the new transfer. She’s been assigned to Fourth Squad.” He purposely avoided her family name, maybe to make a better first impression, but that didn’t get lost on Felix.</p><p>Felix’s cold blue eyes scanned over Charlie, calculatingly.</p><p>“Garrison?” He asked.</p><p>“Interior.” She replied.</p><p>He scoffed, as if to prove a point in front of his team watching behind guises of looking busy. “You look it.”</p><p>And Charlie didn’t know if she should be offended or flattered.</p><p>“Get her up to speed. She’s best suited for the office for now. Once she’s better acquainted with the work, we’ll see about a more permanent position.”</p><p>Felix crossed his arms. “I’m not a babysitting service.”</p><p>“Unless you want me to go over her duties and you go and help Hange with her research instead?” Moblit was polite, but still carried an edge to his tone that bordered threatening. </p><p>Felix was probably two decades older than Moblit, judging from how his hairline had slowly started receding, and the deep crow's feet that made home around his eyes. He looked like he was debating taking orders from Moblit, before finally giving a response gruffly.</p><p>“Fine. Grab a desk kid—not that one, you idiot. That one is Pere’s.” He said snappily as Charlie milled about a desk that certainly looked uninhabited. She went to the furthest corner. When Felix said nothing she assumed she had made the right choice.</p><p>“You know how to catalogue properly?” Of course she did. She practically ran the hall of records in Mitras.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Thank the walls. Take a stack and get going.” Felix ordered. He seemed too pleased to have someone to bark at.</p><p>“I’ll leave you to it.” Moblit lingered for just a moment. Long enough for Charlie to see the scar above his eyebrow had become faint but not quite disappeared. She remembered exactly how he got it.</p><p>She stopped the thoughts before they continued. Moblit was gone.</p><p>She pushed everything down. Down into the well where all of her sorrows went to die.</p><p>It was where the Sisters voices would drown, and all the thoughts of Shiganshina would perish.</p><p>She picked up a stack of papers and set off to work.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I wonder why the undersides of the tables were already clean... its almost like a little titan slayer cleaned them already.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Queens of Mitras pt 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Please be sure to pay attention to the years (Y) at the beginning of the chapters. This chapter takes place 12 years before the current events. I will be placing these every so often to move the plot along and give better back story to characters. Slowly of course. Because I go one speed and thats low and slow. Just like when I make ham.</p>
<p>No TW for this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>January 16<sup>th</sup> Y836</strong>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sister Rianna wasn’t lying when she told her <em>A King’s Book of History </em>would be to her liking. Charlotte had stayed up well past when her candle should have been extinguished just to finish rest. Of course, her roommate did not appreciate the act and told her off several times.</p>
<p>Unlike the soft Sister Margaret, and the mean Sister Alena, Sister Rianna was a perfect balance of the two. Sensible, yet firm, and always encouraged the girls to be well read with what their modest library had to offer.</p>
<p>
  <em>“But not too well read, men do not like their wives to be smarter than them.” </em>
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<p>It was something Sister Alena was constantly jabbering about. Respectable women shouldn’t be know-it-alls. It discouraged men from finding them attractive wives.</p>
<p>That’s all it ever came down to. Marriage material. Our Lady of Mercy, the most esteemed private academy for noble girls, was just a school where they were brought to learn proper etiquette for their debut to society.</p>
<p>It’s why their library held no books of science, and all the poetry books were only love hymns. There was no use encouraging college, when most of the girls would marry less than a handful of years after graduation. Though there were always the odd few who would make it to Mitras University if their parents and aptitude could afford it.</p>
<p>Charlotte particularly liked their history book collection depicting war, and wouldn’t turn down an invitation from the University if only to spend more time studying the topic.</p>
<p>Sister Alena chided her for finding entertainment in violence. It wasn’t so much the fighting, but the conduct of those commanding the soldiers. It was an abundantly useful tool for her expected role as head of household for her family home. Who better to learn regulating unruly men from, then the war leaders themselves?</p>
<p>Blaine, her older brother, had always been a handful on his own, but since his announced inheritance to the Avery title, he had become even more obstreperous. Perhaps he was trying to be thrown out of the House of Peers like their eldest brother Aleks. It would be no matter once she perfected her directorial skills under the wisdom of the war history books.</p>
<p>Picturing herself in a pressed military uniform was something that seemed ridiculous. But being a strong-headed leader like a military commander was something she aspired to be.</p>
<p>Her eldest brother would be staggered once she was able to govern him. His own escapades to the military would no longer be able to stump her once she could out wit him at his own game. Their father may have given up hope on him as the eldest son and successor, but Charlotte was sure she could make him a respectable man to the House of Peers yet.</p>
<p>Once she researched enough, she’d be able to command him like a proper lady of the house. She could find him a suitable wife, and then hopefully restore some sort of title to him. Then the tarnish to their family name could be absolved to the Peerage.</p>
<p>Noble children were not meant for the military, after all.</p>
<p>She could finally focus herself on other things that she cared about more.</p>
<p>Like strapping blond men and their ideas of things beyond the walls.</p>
<p>Erwin Smith. The thought of him gave Charlotte a pinprick feeling to her heart. She had come to miss the shock of hushing his wild comments and poor manners. Since he enlisted in the military four years ago, she rarely heard from him anymore.</p>
<p>Something had happened between her brother and Erwin, and neither spoke up around the matter. Aleks chalked it up to the different regiments they had chosen. But it was a hard thing to gauge, given she also hadn’t seen her own brother in far too long. Aleks had gone off to the Military Police, and Erwin had chosen the Scouts. All of their interactions were only on paper.</p>
<p>The few letters Erwin did send her weren’t enough. They were half pages in length, overviewing the bare minimum of what he was actually up to. It didn’t satisfy her intrigue in the late evenings around the academy when there wasn’t anything else to do but gossip or stare at the walls. She wanted to know what he had seen, and if it were anything like what he would imagine when they were children.</p>
<p>She missed him. Every time she cracked a book and learned something new, it was <em>Erwin </em>she wanted to write to. He was always encouraging to her curiosity, and didn’t place ceilings where she wanted her fingers to touch sky.</p>
<p>But it wasn’t as if she could just ask him outright to meet or give more of his time. She was a young woman, and he was now a man of the military, though she couldn’t quite picture his face growing into his eyebrows that had always been too full. It would be incredibly scandalous. There would be rumours.</p>
<p>The Sisters preached patience as a virtue. She would just have to wait for the right time to see him again.</p>
<p>Charlotte smoothed out Erwin from her thoughts, and then the wrinkles in her grey skirt a final time. She had left it out overnight instead of hanging it, and it had creased making the pleats fall unflatteringly at her ankles. She was only meeting with Sister Rianna, but it she crossed paths with Sister Alena she’d be reprimanded for looking improper.</p>
<p>If she moved quickly enough maybe she wouldn’t notice. She was all too familiar with the undersides of the wooden pews in their chapel when she was subjected to scrub for forgiveness.<br/><br/>Charlotte fastened her capelette over her white blouse and left the dormitory. A quick glance down either end of the hallway proved that Sister Alena was not lurking around like many of the senior girls claimed she did.</p>
<p>Her low-heeled dress shoes would have been a dead giveaway for Sister Alena anyways; they clicked too loudly against the brick stone floors when she moved.</p>
<p>The little dormitory was all but empty downstairs in the common grounds. There were a few sophomore girls sitting out by the windows overlooking the courtyard, but most of the others were either down in the cafeteria or sitting parlour before class started.</p>
<p>The wind tore through her clothes the second she left the dorm building. She wanted to curse. But if one so much as left her mouth, she’d be writing lines of their gospel until summer.</p>
<p>Both hurrying, and being cautious down the icy staircase, Charlotte almost didn’t see the groundskeeper doing his best to clear away the snow from the walk way below.</p>
<p>“Good morning, Fenton.” Charlotte wasn’t sure if he heard through the whipping wind, but he nodded at her.</p>
<p>She waddled through the snow to get to the greenhouse entrance, hands shaking at the door handle by the time she jiggled it open.</p>
<p>It was all too relieving to be out of the winter in its entirety.</p>
<p>Sister Rianna was humming quietly, as she watered some of the plant beds. It was a familiar tune that Charlotte had heard her sing only under her breath, assumingely not a hymn to their Walls.</p>
<p>“What is that song?” She asked, approaching her down the narrow path, and hoping not to startle her.</p>
<p>Sister Rianna only smiled in a way that made more wrinkles in her face.</p>
<p>“One day, I’ll tell you. But Father Oakley would be cross if he found me promoting song and dance, especially to his most frequent repentance visitor. Sister Alena tells me you need to concentrate your focus on math and not on the arts.” Charlotte knew she was joking, but only just. It made her crinkle her nose. She did spend a little too much time going over their verses and amendments because she had said something too out of line with Sister Alena. She was always asking for forgiveness for how she was, and not receiving praise.</p>
<p>“When you know enough about the arts, you know plenty of songs that aren’t choir hymns.” Charlotte almost laughed. “Blaine used to play me all sorts at home on the piano.”</p>
<p>“What a fine brother you must have to indulge you so. He must love you so much.”</p>
<p>Charlotte would have never used those exact words to describe Blaine, who much similarly was also frequently in and out of mischief himself. A familial trait, it would seem. But she did miss the afternoons of music filling their drawing room, or sitting beneath the piano while he played.</p>
<p>“Now what good grace has there been for you to request a meeting before class?” Sister Rianna had a way of weaving her conversations the way she wanted. She placed her watering can off to the side, and motioned for them both to sit upon stone bench.</p>
<p>She had almost forgotten about the book.</p>
<p>“I wanted to discuss <em>A King’s Book of History</em>, actually.” Charlotte didn’t have many options for literary discussions, especially for history. With a freshman class of 6, and a school of 20 something girls, there were slim pickings when it came to discussions. Most of the girls were not entirely interested in furthering historic literary studies. Though, Charlotte had seen them take interest in a fashion paper or romance novel some of the girls brought from home during Yule break.</p>
<p>Once again, her thoughts drifted to Erwin. What she wouldn’t give to have him be the other voice in her conversation, or to read a history book to her one more time like when they were children. She liked the calm baritone of his voice when he would explain things to her.</p>
<p>“The book was to your tastes, I assume.”</p>
<p>“Yes, I quite enjoyed it, though I had some questions about it.”</p>
<p>Sister Rianna looked relieved as she rested her hands in the black of her robes. “I may not be the most suitable for your questions, but I can do my best to answer them for you. I’ve read that book cover to cover many times.” She admitted. And it was strange picturing Sister Rianna doing things that didn’t involve the girls or the church.</p>
<p>“Why is there not more information on the Queens of Mitras? I thought maybe, it was just the version we had, but all the other books never make detailed mention. I would love to see pictures of our Queens, or know what they were like.” The Kings were given such detail. Their wives were only brought up if they died or did something particularly outlandish. She wanted to know what flowers they liked, or the quirks that made the Kings choose them as wives. Charlotte would pay good money to obtain a book that specified on how the Kings fell in love with their Queens. That would be a romance novel she could get into.</p>
<p>“The Queens of Mitras don’t hold power in the capital, therefore are not allotted spaces in history.”</p>
<p>Charlotte’s heart felt like it had been struck. After a hundred years of documented history in their walls, there were no more than a handful of poor mentions for the Queens.</p>
<p>“But the current Queen handles all of the balls and ceremonies, as well as managing charities for the lower walls—</p>
<p>“All lovely sentiments, but not related to politics or bureaucracy of the capital. Charity is for our God and Goddesses of the walls to remember, not the books.”</p>
<p>Charlotte bit her lip at Sister Rianna’s words. How could a woman of such status be nothing more than decoration? Surely this is not what her fate would be on <em>her</em> graduation in four years. The pain in her heart moved to her throat, feeling like a heavy lump. Sister Rianna must have seen her distress.</p>
<p>“You must remember your place, Charlotte. Our vows to the church tell us exactly how to model ourselves in the image of the Goddesses.” Model or mold, it was becoming harder to see a clear picture of which the school wanted.</p>
<p>“So where am I to find portraits of the Queens, for the sake of curiosity?” Charlotte pressed further, knowing Sister Rianna was becoming displeased with her refusal to take her answer.</p>
<p>“In the Capital, my dear. You mustn’t forget, that a well-mannered woman is made from discipline and sacrifice. Your morbid curiosity of this subject will need to be tempered.” Sister Rianna was paraphrasing from their school’s psalm. She may have well told her to kill her dreams for the sake of their creed.</p>
<p><em>A King’s Book of History </em>was meant as a distraction to her, after all. It was called a King’s book for a reason.</p>
<p>Charlotte was frowning visibly. If she were speaking to Sister Alena, she would have been covered in red welts from thwacks of a reed against her hands by now.</p>
<p>“I’ll do my best to be disciplined. It starts at the face after all.” She said to pacify the conversation.</p>
<p>“A well disciplined face will never give power to your enemy’s words. Please remember that.” Sister Rianna recited, insinuating she should be practicing with them even though the guidance of the church was supposed to be an ally. With how Charlotte had to parry every lecture, it was feeling more like a foe. “Let me fix your hair, child. Sister Alena will have a field day seeing you like this.”</p>
<p>Charlotte sat still while Sister Rianna combed through her blonde hair and tied it back neatly. Usually only the older girls wore their hair up as a sign of their maturity.</p>
<p>“It suits you much better. You can see more of your lovely face.”</p>
<p>Charlotte wanted to frown but did so only on the inside.</p>
<p>The whole interaction left her uneasy. She preferred her hair down. As a girl of fourteen, she had no business looking like a woman.</p>
<p>She left for class shortly after, to not be tardy and cause more worry from Sister Margaret who was teaching their literacy class.</p>
<p>The flitting curiosity of the Queens of Mitras did not leave her thoughts that evening.</p>
<p>Her roommate once again was irate with her candle burning past curfew. And slept with her back to her. Charlotte’s pen was tapping across a blank page, deciding between each tap if she should, or should not write the words.</p>
<p>Patience is a virtue, and gambling was a vice.</p>
<p>Gambling had always been more of Blaine’s expertise.</p>
<p>She chose to embody him in the moment and let the ink bleed onto the paper as she scrawled.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>Erwin,</em> </p>
<p>
  <em>I hope your time in the scouts is faring you well, and you return safe on your next expedition. I read in the paper that there were a particularly high amount of casualties last year, and keep your safe return in my prayers. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The west winters are incredibly cold, and hope wherever you are based is somewhere warmer. Though I would argue the sunrises couldn’t possibly be beat, you’ll need to correct me after seeing one beyond the walls.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Through my studies I’ve come to find interest in the Queens of Mitras. Our library is incredibly modest, and does offer much for my curiosity. Please let me know if you have anything to share on the topic, or see portraits of the beloved Queens lying around somewhere. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Yours truly,</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Charlotte Avery</em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Charlotte read over her letter repetitively until her roommate finally had enough of her nervous energy and told her firmly to go to bed, or she would be involving Father Oakley<em>.</em> She took it as a sign to seal it once in for all, and dropped it off to the head office to be mailed in the morning.</p>
<p>Though her roommate’s threats of involving Father Oakley fell short, Charlotte still found herself between the pews reading their amendments for her letter to Erwin in her free time.</p>
<p>
  <em> “It’s improper to take interest in a man involved in the military. All this will serve you is an excommunication to our church and a young widowhood.” </em>
</p>
<p>The threats were empty, and she knew it. Someone had snitched about her letter to prove a point, and Charlotte couldn’t have been sure whom. But she mulled it over during the three weeks she was castigated. She was forced to reread and recite the verse of the Goddess of Virtue until it was perfect by Sister Alena’s standards.</p>
<p>With all the time in the church, she had plenty of time to pray between her thoughts.</p>
<p>She prayed for forgiveness from the church for the sins she didn’t understand. She prayed for her family’s repentance that she was to deliver. She prayed for her brother Aleks to find clarity from their guiding light. She prayed for Erwin, and his safety. She prayed that her letter would get a response.</p>
<p>The last bit was a bit blasphemous, but being selfish was something to which all high borne committed sin. She once watched second-year Penelope Saks pray every evening before their meals for blessings upon their dinner <em>and </em>clearer skin.</p>
<p>But something she said to their God must’ve worked, because another week of punishment was added to her sentence when Father Oakley delivered a letter to her in a military stamped envelope.</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>
  <em>Charlotte</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I hope you are keeping up on your studies. Expeditions will resume once the snow melts and navigation through the terrain is easier. Though I have some ideas to help negate this, should the Commander give me the time to overview these plans.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’m happy to hear that your curiosity is still sparked. I’ve personally never seen a portrait of a Queen lying around base. The headquarters are a little more barren then what you may be used to. When time permits me, we should discuss this more in person, though I can’t promise you when that will be. Please continue to be diligent in your schoolwork. </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Sincerely</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Erwin Smith </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Charlotte read over his handwriting just to be sure she had done it properly. He wanted to meet. All of the blasphemous prayers to their God, Goddesses and walls had been worth it to see that he wanted to finally see her in person after all these years. The little flutters in her chest tickled and made her flush.</p>
<p>Her wilted demeanour perked up. The conversation with Sister Rianna was all but forgotten. She would sit through hundred of more hours in the chapel to see him again.</p>
<p>He was the one man that she had come to trust, who wasn't family by blood. He was someone who wouldn’t ask her to give up on her dreams, and contrarily wanted to help her see them through. All of the ridiculous rules she was forced to follow would be worth it to stand at his side again. She was sure of it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The "Queens of Mitras" will probably have 4 parts throughout this series. I take a lot of inspiration from the late Victorian era.</p>
<p>I tried to write Charlotte as a teen with a schoolgirl crush. Feelings at 14 are a lot yknow.</p>
<p>"She may have well told her to kill her dreams for the sake of their creed." was also inspiration from the 'Perfect Game' episode with the iconic Levi line.</p>
<p>Make sure to remember the last sentence of this chapter, it's like, DEFINITELY NOT foreshadowing.</p>
<p>Thanks again for reading.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. More Than Three Sentences</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No beginning comments from me, enjoy!</p><p>TW: mentions of OCD and anxiety behaviours.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>January 16<sup>th</sup> Y848</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The amount of work in the administration office from sheer disorganization was baffling. There were fifteen soldiers upstairs to manage, and most of the time not all at once. But that had been Charlie’s whole department in Mitras and they managed just fine.</p><p>There were always at least two people running on ‘Hange duty’ (deemed the ‘Hange wranglers’), to get work caught up or simply complete the odd tasks she’d assign. It took two grown adults to keep Hange in check. Not that the two extra persons made <em>any </em>dent in their workflow when they were in the office.</p><p>From when she came in after assigned morning chores, to after dinner when all soldiers were permitted downtime, she was holed up at her desk. It seemed to be the standard for everyone who was assigned there. It also didn’t seem to matter how quickly or effectively she managed her work. There always seemed to be more that would pile up somewhere, or was left to be forgotten.</p><p>In the evenings she tried to spend time with Jamie, but often he was sitting with Gelgar, or another person from his new squad. Nanaba, Lauda, Thomas and Perdita were all in the Second Squad that Mike Zacharias was leading. They flocked together like birds.</p><p>He always invited her to sit with them, and made a great effort to be inclusive. But the climate for her lineage hadn’t warmed up any. Thomas still held a temper to her from way back in their cadet years when he found out she had given up her nobility title. Apparently only an idiot would give up a life of luxury, even if it involved never ending servitude and obedience. Jamie was fortunate in the sense that he could assimilate easy. He was born of working class farmers, and had always been well liked, even in the cadets.</p><p>She didn’t want to take him away for her own selfish reasons. Capital life was something he was never really comfortable in. He always said there were too many people, and insisted on finding a quiet space for their chatter or to practice his guitar.</p><p>The Scouts were a hard-working regiment. He had more in common with the soldiers here than the pageantry antics of the capital.</p><p>Their squad was focused on heavy offence tactics, as she had learned, and there wasn’t a lot of overlap with schedules. She had yet to see the training grounds despite the regiment having a strict quota of hours they were supposed to fulfill.</p><p>Charlie still hadn’t been reassessed for combat. It had been over a week since her transfer and the issue wasn’t recalled to Hange yet, though she wasn’t sure it was necessarily intentional.</p><p>She kept herself busy with her work to clear any undesirable thoughts. She wasn’t even sure Felix really cared when she took stacks of work from his desk to help.</p><p>He seemed neither pleased nor displeased with her attentive presence. Most of the time he ignored her. The atmosphere wasn’t necessarily volatile in the office, but still unreceptive. Charlie wasn’t vying for their trust, but she did want to be useful. She had given Erwin her word that she was truly in this for the long haul, and as a woman of her word, she couldn’t go around stepping on toes of everyone who irritated her.</p><p>“Charlie,” Felix said her name passively if only to get her attention.</p><p>“Yes sir,”</p><p>“Hange is late with her weekly assessments. Make yourself useful and get them here or Erwin is going to chew us out.”</p><p>Normally, there would be bickering about who would go, if someone had to go visit the Section Leader. It was usually boiled down to Bryer and whoever else had drawn the short straw, or lost the rousing game of rock-paper-scissors. Maybe she had made herself <em>too</em> useful and she would be deemed the regular ‘Hange wrangler’ sans a partner to help her.</p><p>There were no other volunteers, and it wasn't as if she could say no.</p><p>She knocked on Hange’s office door; it was always shut but deceivingly quiet for midday.</p><p>“Private Avery, ma’am.”</p><p>The room was still too quiet. Charlie was not keen on returning empty handed without even trying to accomplish the task she was given. She’d truly look like a ‘useless Mitras brat’, as Felix tenderly called her when she got in his way.</p><p>She entered the office, despite the lack of permission.</p><p>The heavy smell of body odour and stale air hit her nostrils like a punch to the face. The curtains were drawn closed, and if possible her office seemed even more chaotic than the last time she had entered. Congealed food sat on her workbench and desk, with various mugs adorning around the soiled plates. Every single one still had tea sitting in it, with varying degrees of emptiness.</p><p>Charlie almost didn’t see the lump lying across the couch in the dim filtered light. Hange was contorted in an impressive manner. She was twisted around her lab-coat, using it as a poor excuse for a blanket, eyes shut and mouth open.</p><p>Moblit had dozed off more gracefully. He was sitting upright in an armchair, head lulled back in a way that would make his muscles scream when he rose. His khaki military jacket was over his chest. Between the two of them, you would think they had never heard of a blanket before.</p><p>Charlie felt a moment of melancholy rise up. She recognized the sight of someone who had been living out of an office for at least a few days. When was the last time she slept in her bed? Or showered?</p><p>Though she was looking at Hange, she was picturing her brother asleep between mountains of books for the fourth night and refusing all calls to dinner out of stress before his exams. Aleks had always been far less composed under academic stress than Erwin. Things felt far too familiar as she collected the plates and stacked the mugs to a single pile.</p><p>The clinking of porcelain roused Moblit from his slumber; she caught the movement from the corner of her eye.</p><p>“Charlie? What are you doing?” His words came out mumbled. Though he was only a few years her junior, he looked much older exhausted.</p><p>“We need Hange’s weekly assessments.” She whispered.</p><p>“Please don’t wake her. She was up all night trying to calculate the projectile radius to give exact numbers to the engineers,” Most of what Moblit said sounded foreign, but she could hear the thoughtfulness.</p><p>“I can’t go back until I have the assessments.”</p><p>“Then I’ll help fill them out. I’m second in command.” The assertion was something Charlie was not used to seeing in Moblit. But she nodded. Felix didn’t say how she had to get the papers, just that she needed them.</p><p>Moblit stretched in his chair before standing. As he came closer, Charlie could see he hadn’t shaved in a few days, the early signs of dark blonde stubble were developing in patches along his jawline.</p><p>“When’s the last time you shaved?”</p><p>Moblit grumbled something.</p><p>“When did I send you to the administration office?”</p><p>“That was over a week ago.”</p><p>“Has it been that long?”</p><p>The cautious and fretful Moblit she knew from cadets would never skip meals.</p><p>“How long do you think this will take?” Both he and the Section Leader needed a proper meal and bath desperately.</p><p>“A few—“ he yawned, “hours probably.”</p><p>Charlie checked the time from her pocket watch that had made a bulky home in her shirt pocket. She hoped the owner took better care of himself when he had been around.</p><p>“I’m going to get you lunch,” She told him.</p><p>Moblit nodded sleepily while collecting papers from off of Hange’s workbench. Charlie could have told him that the wall had been breached and he probably would have had the same unresponsiveness.</p><p>She traded the dirty dishes for a tray with vegetable soup and bread. The scullery maids had been kind enough to allow her to bring a teapot and mugs to brew tea as well, even with the mountain of table wear she had returned to them. It seemed as though Hange’s theft of dinnerware was nothing new to them.</p><p>Moblit was still standing in the same spot looking over papers one by one animatedly.</p><p>Charlie set down everything on Hange’s desk, clearing away a small space to eat.</p><p>“Sit,” She said to Moblit.</p><p>He looked at her confused.</p><p>“You need to eat.” She said plainly, voice still hushed. “I’ll sort out the workbench. Eat, please.” She said more gently.</p><p>Hange snorted lightly in her sleep from the couch. Not wanting to make more noise, Moblit could only comply. He sat himself behind Hange’s desk.</p><p>“Thank you,” He said quietly, beginning to take spoonfuls of the soup.</p><p>Charlie only hummed in response. She was more than eager to get her hands on the heart of the disaster zone. The workbench was like a signal for her brain in the room, drawing her attention and grinding on her nerves. Papers were stacked overtop another, with books and test tubes buried beneath.</p><p>She made quick work of everything, creating piles based on topics. This is what she had done for the past two years in Mitras; this was what she was good at. Clearing away messes and keeping things and people organized. It was what the Sisters at Our Lady of Mercy had burned into the girls’ brains so they could be good wives. It was how she kept the flamboyant and theatrical actors of the Stohess Theatre in line. It was what her brother always dumped on her to keep her hands busy and mouth shut.</p><p>Only when she saw the dark oak of the table did she finally begin to feel peaceful again. The stacks of assessment papers were together in a bunch. She set them down in front of Moblit, who had nearly scraped his bowl clean.</p><p>The notion was something redundant and second nature. How many times had she done the same for the Director or her brothers? Moblit looked at her like she had grown two heads, clearly not used to having someone dote on him.</p><p>She moved back to the workbench, assuming Moblit would take the hint to get started on what Hange (who was still snoring) should have done days ago.</p><p>Finding the space was useable and not giving her headaches to look at, Charlie busied herself with other areas that needed to be organized. It kept her mind free of anything else intrusive.</p><p>Their books were not alphabetized and documents had no drawer or folder to call home. She had yet to dig away into one of the crates shoved into a corner. Would it surprise her to find something dead in it?</p><p>The room was now bursting with light. Moblit had pulled back one of the curtain panels to see the paperwork better. It also made it easier to see how dusty the whole office was, and how disheveled Moblit’s uniform had become. The white of his shirt had become yellowed around the edges, and a mysterious stain ran up from his cuff to his elbow.</p><p>“I’m almost done,” He assured her, pen gliding over the last of the documents.</p><p>Charlie checked her pocket watch. The hours had flown by in comfortable silence. She wouldn’t have minded if he took a few hours more, she could have made better progress in organizing everything.</p><p>“You should shower and change once you are. I think you both would do better after some rest,”</p><p>Moblit sniffed at himself.</p><p>“Maybe you’re right.” He admitted.</p><p>Moblit stepped around Hange’s desk, the stack of documents ready in his hand.</p><p>“Will she be okay like that?” Charlie titled her head in the direction of Hange, who hadn’t moved an inch during their whole interaction, but looked direr in need of a shower than Moblit.</p><p>“She probably won’t wake up until dinner, if we’re lucky.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Levi had rifled through his assessment papers twice. He wasn’t fond of things that needed careful repetition, and he normally was thorough enough with his paperwork the first time around that it didn’t warrant a second glance. He had learned, fairly quickly, that while he was a slow writer from the lack of practice, he could be just as proficient taking his time.</p><p>Erwin would argue his assessments could be longer and more detailed. Levi liked to think his best work were the ones that had three sentences or less. ‘Cuts like shit’, is often self-explanatory. His beautiful penmanship he had slaved over would also suffer if he had to use it excessively. Most of the brats weren’t worth getting a hand cramped over.</p><p>Jamie Weston’s assessment was at the top of his list.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Jamie Weston, top ten of his graduating class.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Graduating Rank: #8</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Combat grade: 8/10<br/><br/>Initiative grade: 7/10<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Wits grade: 6/10<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>Teamwork: 10/10<br/><br/>Comments: exceptional strength and works well with teammates. Needs improvement on 3DMG tight corner handling. </em>
</p><p><em>Hours of training completed: 24</em> </p><p>
  <em>Certified by Nanaba. </em>
</p><p><em>Signed by Mike Zacharias</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Levi didn’t care so much about what was on the paper, more so that he had it. Mike was competent enough to handle his own team.</p><p>This role he was filling as Captain, meant looking over the hundreds of documents outlining their regiment’s performance. He should've taken up Eld’s offer for help, instead of letting him oversee the First Squad training. On top of the regular work, Erwin was also requesting Levi to take on a larger team under First Squad for this year’s expeditions.</p><p>He felt the itch in his hands that begged him to pick up a cloth and start scrubbing away the dirt that didn’t exist in any sense in his office. Maybe he’d find the stupid document or some extra time, under a pile of mold.</p><p>Where was it? The assessment form for Charlie Avery that proved she either was or wasn’t capable of performing basic scout legion tactics? Never mind the spoilt Mitras brat, but the whole stack of Fourth Squad assessments was missing.</p><p>Gritting his teeth, he could only come to the conclusion that he never received it. How typical of shitty glasses. Just once she could have the decency to <em>try </em>and submit her work on time.</p><p>He left his office, temper clicking beneath his boots that signaled for the recruits to stay out of his way.</p><p>He slammed the door to Hange’s office open. She jolted up from the couch, a trail of drool sliding down her face.</p><p>While she looked utterly disgusting, for once her office was only partially above that benchmark.</p><p>Papers seemed to be stacked a little neater, and most of the books had made their way onto the shelves. There was a revolting amount dust floating around, but at least someone had finally opened the curtains. Hange had piss-poor eyesight to begin with; scrambling around in the dark probably didn’t do her any good.</p><p>“Levi,” Hange snorted, half dazed. There were impression marks from her glasses pressed into her face from sleeping on them.</p><p>“Where are your weekly assessments for your team?” He was standing over her, with his arms crossed over his chest.</p><p>Hange stretched out. “Is it time for those to be submitted already?”</p><p>“I’m not playing four-eyes. I need them now.”</p><p>She waved away his urgency dismissively.</p><p>“Okay, okay. Sheesh. Can’t a soldier get some beauty sleep?” She mumbled, rising to her feet. She made her way to her workbench and started rooting around the neat stacks, spreading them out over the table in a manner Levi was more used to seeing.</p><p>“Well, they’re not here.” She admitted, yawning once again.</p><p>“You must be going blind.”</p><p>“Moblit probably took them down to the administration room already, if I had to guess. Why are you looking at me like that? You’re always complaining I don’t delegate enough.” She shrugged away his scowl as Levi’s brows furrowed deeper. It wasn’t really delegating if it was out of mismanagement. But then again most of the Fourth Squad functioned on a hierarchy that didn’t involve Hange.</p><p>“What were her scores? That Avery brat.”</p><p>Hange pursed her chapped lips. “I don’t remember.”</p><p>“Who was assigned to oversee her training assessment?”</p><p>“I’m not really sure. Moblit handed her off to Felix in the main office. So maybe one of them?” For someone so brilliant, Hange was the biggest idiot (and headache).</p><p>He left without saying goodbye. He didn’t have the capacity to care any less about what else she had to say at the moment, and didn’t want to stick around for the inevitable spiel of her research he always tuned out.</p><p>The administration office grew still in his presence. His appearances there were rare outside of dropping off his usual work. It was supposed to be Hange’s place of authority, but the office tended to have it’s own ecosystem to function well before she took it over.</p><p>Which one of these shits for brains was Felix? Was it the stocky brunette who had gone bug eyed at the sight of him? Or the puttering ginger kid who tried to hide himself in the back storage room when he came in?</p><p>A still and calm blonde became his new target. Charlie Avery.</p><p>The brat was conveniently in a straight path in front of him. She was too easy to pick out, being the only person in the room without a khaki jacket. Her wide green eyes were unblinking as she carefully watched him tower over her desk as best he could.</p><p>“You,” he breathed, though he already had her attention.</p><p>“Sir,” She said in response. It was the same thing she always said to him in passing. She didn’t shrink in her chair, or start sweating like a sinner in church like some of the greener recruits did.</p><p>“Where is your training assessment?”</p><p>She pushed forward the stack of papers on her desk, face still unsettlingly calm. Every edge was aligned neatly. As he scoured through the first half, he came to realize they were alphabetized too. Her name was nowhere to be found; it should have been at the top of the list.</p><p>“When was the last time you were on the field?”</p><p>“I haven’t been yet, sir.” Her reply was so simple, and the room grew so quiet he could hear a pin drop. He swore someone muttered ‘oh shit’ under his breath from somewhere.</p><p>“Well we’re going, now. All of you.” His voice boomed. These lazy fuckers had been sitting inside the warm castle for too long.</p><p>There was a moment of hesitation, but as Levi spun on his heel, the room erupted into frantic movement.</p><p>A dishwater blond with a rather forgettable face entered the office in the peak of its scramble.</p><p>“What the hell is going on?” He muttered before freezing under Levi’s stare. There he was, Felix Bernard.</p><p>Charlie was moving calmly in comparison, too composed for Levi’s liking.</p><p>“It seems someone forgot to fulfill my training requirements.” Her words came out passively, but he recognized the tone. It made her sound exactly like the spoilt Mitras brat most pictured her as.</p><p>“We’re meeting on the field in fifteen,” he addressed, looking away from the tension between Felix and Charlie.</p><p>Levi took a clipboard off of someone’s desk, and rummaged to find the blank assessment documents. The administration office always gave him a headache from the mess. Things were never quite where they should be.</p><p>As he was leaving he noted that Charlie was nowhere to be found. She apparently knew what was good for her, because she was first to the snowy field, standing straight with her arms folded behind her back at attention, and looking off into the distance.</p><p>Her hair had been tied back into complex bun; something Levi neither knew how was accomplished nor thought was necessary for the anguish he was about to bestow them with. It made her face look boring.</p><p>“Where’s your coat and cloak?” Her white button down was too little for the cold. </p><p>“I haven’t gotten one yet,” She replied. She had enough wits to not wear the one with the military police emblem on it at the very least.</p><p>“It’s been ordered!” Bryer practically yelled, appearing suddenly beside her. The man responsible for most of Levi’s tea stock was trying to avoid death from being thrown under the cart like Felix. Levi tolerated him just enough to not tell him to shut up.</p><p>It wasn’t really his concern if she got frostbite anyways.</p><p>The remnants of the office staff filed out slower, well past the fifteen minutes that Levi had given them.</p><p>“Laps,” He said.</p><p>Charlie made not one sound as she followed the rest of the sad sacs around the field. By half dozen mark, their footprints had turned their path to slush. She stayed close to the front of the pack with the ginger kid, the name of whom Levi couldn’t remember.</p><p>By forty or so laps they were whining. Levi had stopped counting for this reason. He motioned for them to fall in line. He supposed that he should get them in the air before the sun set and someone had a misfortunate accident with a tree in the dark.</p><p>“Gear check,” he called, before walking down the uneven line.</p><p>Most of them had their harnesses and gear in order. The administration staff were mostly veterans who could probably strap themselves in asleep. One by one, they pulled one of the triggers on their handles, letting out a soft whir of gas that proved their gear was in working order. Levi’s sharp hearing picked out a few that let out a faint whistle—a very clear indicator they hadn’t been keeping up on cleaning.</p><p>
  <em>Dumb blonde shit… gear is dirty.</em>
</p><p>His writing was sub par from what he liked, from walking and using a clipboard, but he was sure Hange would be able to read it given her own chicken scratch.</p><p>He paused at the ginger kid, causing him to shake in his boots.</p><p>“Your straps are loose, brat.”</p><p>The brat's fingers were fumbling at his thigh straps, and then anxiously to his chest, pulling at the leather to try and find the problem. Levi was going to buckle him in until he lost circulation. The second he took a step forward, another boot came between them.</p><p>Charlie stepped ever so slightly out of line, boot in front of the ginger boy with a wide stance, causing him to pause. Turning, she nimbly buckled the chest and shoulder straps, using both hands, one for each strap.</p><p>“Is it too tight?” She asked quietly.</p><p>The ginger kid shook his head, words still failing him. He put two fingers between his chest straps, seeing it was now lying where it should have been in the first place.</p><p>“It’s good now, thank you.” He nearly mumbled.</p><p>Charlie stepped back in line, arms behind her back like she had been still the entire time.</p><p>Levi almost missed the sound of the ginger boy’s gear responding. He forced himself to keep moving.</p><p>“Your straps are too tight.” He commented to Charlie.</p><p>“I prefer them this way, sir.” She let out a soft burst of gas, ignoring his judgmental analysis.</p><p>He looked her over again. Was he trying to find something to call out, or find some trace of Erwin on her skin? He was still trying to put pieces together to make sense of everything, but her unsettling composure gave him nothing.</p><p>He made himself move down the line, forgetting all about the training assessment paper he was supposed to be filling out. He had lingered on her too long.</p><p>Without giving the administration soldiers a second to relax, he called for them to get airborne.</p><p>Their takeoff was slow, and sloppy, much like their meeting to the field. They weren’t taking off with the same urgency when they were out past Wall Rose fighting titans.</p><p>Levi perched himself up in a tree, to observe their formations.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Ginger kid</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Slow reaction time</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Bryer Riesling </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Not in shape</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Felix Bernard</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Cocky asshole</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Charlie Avery</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He fixed his eyes on her, watching her slow and careful movements to match those around her.</p><p>It was dull, and boring.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Uninspiring movements. </em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Was the first thing he wrote down. Her performance lacked the finesse to leave him impressed. She wasn’t agile like Felix, and didn’t try to out maneuver those in the formation like Pere. She stayed exactly where the gaps permitted, and didn’t try to leave to give indication of the skill that got her into the military police in the first place. She was a spoilt Mitras brat, and he didn’t know why he expected anything else.</p><p>They moved to the practice dummies, and her work continued to be lacklustre. He shouldn’t have been surprised to find her cuts to the sandbag napes were too shallow. The wooden titan dummies could do more damage. She had an incredibly small frame that was exposing her at each failed cut.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Weak</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>He continued to jot.</p><p>The ginger kid stuck close by her, trying to mask her poor performance with assists. Levi didn’t write anything on that. Almost killing a titan, did not count as a kill. And it wouldn’t save her skin out of the walls in Titan County where the monsters were overflowing.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Struggles to stay in formation</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Poor gear maneuverability<br/><br/>Stiff and rough landings</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Slow timing</em>
</p><p><br/><br/>Levi was running out of space on his paper, and patience with the situation. While he was focused on the blonde Mitras brat, the rest of the administration staff had taken to slacking off. It didn’t surprise him, but it did grow his annoyance. Setting the clipboard down on the branch, he decided it was time to see how the team reacted up close and personal.</p><p>Kenny had instilled in him long ago, that pain was often the best discipline, and he found that there wasn’t a lot that couldn’t be solved with a little of it.</p><p>So he launched himself from his perch on the tree branch, and straight towards Felix Bernard.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Welcome to the end notes, aka the fun notes. For context and A/N rambling/meme-ing myself.</p><p>Titled "More Than Three Sentences" because he unintentionally wasted more words on her than he wanted. Mr steal yo assessments over here. </p><p>Having worked in an office almost my whole life, I can confirm there is always a hierarchy and subtle/not subtle drama. Especially when the boss doesn't like you.</p><p>I've been adding some parallels, much like how our lord and saviour Isayama adds in the original Manga, such as Charlie remembering everyone's names, and Levi never remembering anyone's name (unless it suits him). </p><p>This story will most likely be a cross between the anime and manga, because as I rewatched the OVA of "No Regrets" this past weekend, I realized Moblit was in the animated version but not the manga one, which takes place BEFORE the fall of Wall Maria (which would mean he was in the scouts before what I've written). He's a pretty important person in for the story I have planned so... My bad and slight AU on accident. Please accept a poor woman's apologies. I like to keep things as realistic as possible and this bothers me already. </p><p>Again, this is a slooooooooow burn. So getting to the fluff is going to take some time and possibly a few fist fights (at least in my mind). </p><p>On a personal note, I've been going through some health issues. So if you don't see an update for a bit, please be patient. And if you see an unusual amount of updates in one week... mind your business lol. I both have a lot of free time and am always tired so this update game could go both ways for me. </p><p>Thank you for everyone who favourited, and has been reading. It means a lot. This is the first fic I've ever seriously written and kept on with, so it truly means more than I can express.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Predators, Prey & Guitar Play</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This chapter took longer to write than I thought. It's a lot more... f e e l y  than I intended so... have fun lol.</p><p>Trigger Warnings: mention of PTSD tendencies</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>January 16<sup>th</sup> 848</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>If Felix could’ve bitten off her head by now, he probably would have. He’d put the titans to shame with how badly he wanted to tear Charlie to shreds after the training drills.</p><p>She’d probably never hear the end of it when they got back. She had <em>just </em>gotten him to think she was useful.</p><p>Her arms ached as she narrowly sliced at a sandbag nape of a dummy. It had been years since she had to actually use the repetitive sword wielding motions and it was showing. Keeping most of her feelings on the matter in check took a good bit of concentration, which also made her move very tensely.</p><p>She hadn’t done these exercises since the cadets. Soldiers in Mitras rarely wore full 3DMG. In the city you needed a day permit to use the gear, and were restricted from grappling most buildings because the damage it caused was unsightly. Everyone knew MPs carried guns, and not swords, and made arrests, not aerial maneuvers. She was much better dealing with people.</p><p>Charlie was struggling to keep up as they continued through the course.</p><p>Grian, the red headed boy she had helped with his straps, was trailing behind her almost leisurely, fixing the shallow cuts where needed.</p><p>Charlie pressed the trigger of her blade handle to grapple up higher. She was panting hot clouds of air into the cold, and felt her breath hitch back in when her back plate pressed into the old scar running the length of her back.</p><p>She would not think about that day. Push it down. Concentrate. Push it down again.</p><p>“Watch out!” Grian called.</p><p>Charlie had only a moment to process his warning before a blur of movement sped by her, followed by the commotion of yells from the other soldiers ahead. They broke apart from their formation.</p><p>She adjusted her trajectory, sloppily, and in a panic had to readjust again to avoid hitting a tree. She needed to focus, but all the advice the Sisters and Director used to give was poorly suited for using 3DMG gear.</p><p>Grian zipped next to her, matching her altitude.</p><p>“Captain seems particularly annoyed today. Looks like he’s launching direct attacks to test our evasion.”</p><p>“We should split up,” Charlie suggested.</p><p>“Agreed. Good luck.”</p><p>Grian disappeared into the forest, and Charlie was alone.</p><p>The pit where she threw almost everything she disliked was multiplying inside her with nothing and no one else to fixate on. Her focus was becoming spotty as it bounced between her fear and concentration.</p><p>The forest was eerily similar to the one her squad had to flee into during the breach of wall Maria.</p><p>The sound of a grapple on her left broke her scrambled thoughts.</p><p>A quick glance behind her fanned the flames of her fear. Captain Levi was now targeted to her, eyes glinting dangerously.</p><p>She tried to evade him by harshly throwing herself left, but all it did was tug the harness into her hips tightly. He was still behind her, and the gap between them closing at an inhuman speed.</p><p>The well inside her was bubbling over. All the fear that she thought had drowned was blended and turned to adrenaline in her veins, forcing her fingers to pull the triggers faster to get away from her pursuer.</p><p>She could hear him, but just barely in the edge of her mind as it blurred. Her head was in overdrive as it slapped around her fears and coordination back and forth, making her feel like she was navigating through a thick fog.</p><p>She didn’t want to be caught. She didn’t want to <em>die</em>.</p><p>Suddenly everything was clear.</p><p>The thundering sounds of titans echoed the forest. Her team had dispersed to draw them away from the group. They were going to meet at the outpost. Their screams told her that most of them would not be making the rendezvous.</p><p>All she could think about was how if she stopped she was going to get devoured like Robert Norris, when he had been picked like an apple from a tree.</p><p>The three years of intense training that had almost broken her, limbered her oddly tense body. She forced herself to become nimble, like all the times she had when she raced Moblit and Jamie through their training course.</p><p>She could hear a titan rumbling in pursuit behind her. The trees near Maria were too low to linger on; too sparse and slender to hide a person away. She couldn’t stop.</p><p><em>“Hang back and use the momentum to fly forward.”<br/><br/></em>It was one of the rare times Sergeant Ford had given her actual advice that pertained to operating her 3DMG and was helpful instead of just yelling insults. She had struggled with it for too long, and had almost become hopeless. She had spent most of her life being pampered, and perfecting graceful movements. The Sisters, her father, the theatre; they only cared about appearances.</p><p>But good performances with 3DMG were something else entirely.</p><p>There were no long elegant lines that the actors and dancers made with their bodies for applause, or poised stances that garnered praise from the Sisters.</p><p>You had to be a little unhinged. You had to be dedicated to your movements and trust your body like it was the same as the gear it was strapped to.</p><p>She pointed her toes and swung up past the treetops. When her grapples were reeled in again, Charlie did something that Arnold of the Stohess Theatre had called a <em>Pirouette, </em>and released her trigger the second she felt she had turned three quarters.</p><p>If only the smug actor could see her now. She had never been great trying the beautiful movements like the trained professionals in the theatre, but found it almost natural in the air.</p><p>She used the downward momentum to fall back into the trees, branches scraping her uniform and catching in her hair. Again, and again, she repeated this to pick up speed and to conserve her gas.</p><p><em>“The best actors put a little of themselves in their performances.” </em> </p><p>Alton had told her that, before he became the forlorn lover starring on the theatre’s opening night. He said he pretended he was his mother, the first night she learned his father had left them. To wear sadness, you must become sadness.</p><p>So Charlie became a bird, to soar higher. Then a mouse to squeeze through the tight gaps of the trees. She grit her teeth and pretended she was a sprightly stag darting away from a wolf.</p><p>She didn’t slow down until she very clearly heard someone yelling her name. She reduced her speed, hoping it was someone from her team that had made it out safely.</p><p>Her heart was racing, and there was an odd ticking from her breast pocket.</p><p>Ahead was a small lake she swore wasn’t listed on their map. Charlie’s head was spinning, and she landed just outside where the trees opened up to catch her breath.</p><p>The fog she was wandering in had dispersed completely. She was no longer the bird, the mouse or the stag. She was only confused.</p><p>Levi landed lightly on his boots, his grapples not even reeled in properly from their anchor before making his way to her.</p><p>“Captain?” She asked, still dazed. She was gripping the handles of her swords incredibly tight, muscles shaking. Her body was telling her to flee, the same way she had to in Shiganshina. But she wasn’t in Shiganshina. She was at the waters’ edge in a forest that bordered the Scouts headquarters.</p><p>“What do you think you’re doing?” He growled. He left space between them, but it looked like he wanted to close it, even if it was just to rip her throat out like a hungry wolf.</p><p>It all came rushing back.</p><p>“You wanted us to evade you, did you not?” She needed to use her words, something that never failed her, to dig herself out of the mess she had gotten into. She was steel. She was tempered.</p><p>She was not.</p><p>“You’re nearly at the border of our base. Half a kilometre more and I would have taken you out and had Erwin deal with you for desertion. When a superior officer commands you to stop, you stop.”</p><p>Charlie was a woman who was great with words, yet somehow couldn’t find a single one to explain herself.</p><p>She was trying to figure out how to make <em>“sorry sir, I lost my wits and thought you were a titan,”</em> sound less insane than it did.</p><p>She didn’t need to as Levi grabbed her by the shirt collar, to push her back in the other direction.</p><p>“Let’s go, brat.” He said unimpressed.</p><p>His fingertips grazed lightly over the scar she took home as a memento from Shiganshina on her exposed neck. The contact made the steel in her face warp in revulsion.</p><p>She flinched.</p><p>Charlie shrugged his hand away and strode wider to leave a gap between them. Sister Alena would have screeched at her for the very boorish behavior, and rigid posture.</p><p>But instead there was only silence.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Gelgar elbowed Jamie in the ribcage and snickered. The scullery maid, a blonde woman by the name of Selma, had once again scooped extras onto his plate.</p><p>“<em>Afternoon ma’am</em>” Gelgar said in a high pitch to mimic the accent in his voice. “You flirt.”</p><p>“I am not.” Jamie protested, trying to suppress said accent that Gelgar had actually done quite well. It was easier when he didn’t have to talk as much and wasn’t so riled up. Unfortunately, Gelgar had three years to perfect getting on his nerves in the academy, and had only gotten better at it after a few more away.</p><p>“Well if it’s any consolation, she seems to be into it.”</p><p>Perdita smacked the back of Gelgar’s head with her hand. “Play nice,” she warned.</p><p>“I <em>am always </em>a nice boy.”</p><p>Perdita scoffed. “Yeah, and my uncle’s a titan. This is why no one wants to partner with you during the training exercises.” The two of them glared playfully at each other before Gelgar finally caved to his hunger and started eating.</p><p>Their afternoon lunch hour had started later than usual. Jamie wasn’t someone who was great at withstanding hunger, so he was secretly grateful to Selma for the extra bread and soup. He ate ravenously at his portions. He couldn’t deny the Scouts were a more straightforward place than the Military Police, but their food was lifeless and barely enough to keep him satiated.</p><p>If his sister were still alive, she’d have told him he was being spoiled. They had spent many nights at bedtime with stomachs growling for scraps of anything. And maybe the capital had done that to him, gone and made him soft and spoiled, but it shouldn’t take a prayer to the walls to get another serving or some <em>meat</em>.</p><p>Jamie missed meat. Section Leader Zacharias had only thought his offer to go hunting for the rabbits that hung around the compound was a joke. He was so hungry he’d settle for a squirrel.</p><p>He was the first done eating. He wasn’t supposed to scarf down his food like a <em>“wild animal</em>” as Charlie put it, but without her gentle reminders he couldn’t help it. He had too many memories of being a scrawny kid that needed to eat as much as possible while there was still food on the table.</p><p>He scanned over the mess hall, but didn’t see her head of long tangled hair anywhere. </p><p>“Looking for your girlfriend?” Gelgar was done eating now too. Perdita tried to hit him with her spoon between mouthfuls of what sounded like ‘what did I just tell you’.</p><p>“Issnot like that,”</p><p>“Sure it isn’t, lover-boy. You try to invite her over every meal. You’ve been clinging to her since the academy.” He said slyly.</p><p>“Well who else is she supposed to sit with?” Jamie retorted back.</p><p>Perdita was eating faster with fury, hoping to get a few words in. Brown strands of hair were coming out of her bun as her head bobbed between the bread and the soup.</p><p>“The other office staff. Byer, Pere, Grian, Uma. Lots of options. You know how <em>lucky </em>she is to get to work inside most of the time? Damn nobles.” Gelgar’s words were harsh, even if he wasn’t all that serious.</p><p>“It has nothing to do with having a noble name, idiot. Uma says she went to some private academy. You’re definitely not smart enough to work the office anyways.” Perdita was finally finished her lunch, wiping the remnants on the back of her hand, and looked rejuvenated to bat away Gelgar’s chaotic energy.</p><p>They spouted off into their own tangent, which Jamie preferred to stay out of. Their fights were always pointless and fizzled out fast.</p><p>“And you think you are?”</p><p>“You’re the dumbest person I know.”</p><p>“Well if I’m dumb, you’re a moron.”</p><p>“Fancy word for a dum dum.”</p><p>“You’re an idiot!” Perdita slammed her spoon to the table, loudly.</p><p>“You’re the one arguing like one!”</p><p>“So you admit defeat?”</p><p>“I said arguing <em>like </em>one, not <em>with </em>one. Get your hearing checked.”</p><p>Jamie looked over the near-empty mess hall again, with wishful thinking. </p><p>“Moblit!” Jamie flagged him over excitedly, mouth spitting out the words before his brain could process the weight of the request.</p><p>“What are you doing?” Gelgar hissed at him. Perdita took the opportunity to hit his arm and claim futile victory.</p><p>“Calling over Moblit. It’s been ages since we all sat together,” Jamie explained.</p><p>“He’s a Team Captain now, dumb ass. He’s got better things to do than sit with us.” Gelgar grumbled, almost jealously, as Moblit approached the table.</p><p>“Hey Jamie,” He said nervously.</p><p>“Wanna sit down?” Jamie ignored the tension that hung over the table completely. He was too attentive to having someone else that wasn’t as competitive as Gelgar and Perdita.</p><p>“I don’t have a lot of time, but sure.” Moblit answered humbly.</p><p>Moblit sat at a free chair, and while he was looking away, Gelgar kicked Jamie’s foot from under the table as if to say ‘I told you so’.</p><p>“How’ve ya been?”</p><p>“Ah, you know. Busy. Lots of things to manage and making sure Hange stays on schedule is a full attention type of deal. The only reason I’m outside her office now is to bring back the plates Charlie brought over during lunch…”</p><p>At the sound of her name, Jamie’s interest piqued. “You see her often?”</p><p>“Not really. She’s technically working under Felix in the administration office.”</p><p>“Didn’t Major Bernard and Captain Levi get into another argument? Mara told me the administration staff were running laps or something before lunch.” Perdita commented.</p><p>“Pardon?” Moblit looked like he was spiralling into a panic. “Oh no, not again.” He grumbled, a nervous sweat forming at his brows. He stood up quickly.</p><p>“You alright?” Jamie asked.</p><p>“I need to deal with this before Hange wakes up.” He said half sprinting away.</p><p>Jamie paused for a moment, before deciding to go after him.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m dying to see if Captain Levi finally knocked out Major Bernard.” Gelgar said under his breath, standing to join him.</p><p>“I bet you ten gold pieces he’s out cold already.” He could hear Perdita wager.</p><p>By the time Moblit and Jamie made it to the training field, it seemed the action was already over, much to Perdita and Gelgar’s dismay.</p><p>Soldiers were huddled in a mob of khaki jackets and green cloaks idly talking. Moblit excused himself over to the Captain and another man, assumingely Major Bernard, before they two acted on the clear bloodlust between them.</p><p>Jamie had seen Charlie’s hair up enough times to pick her out. He almost dashed over seeing her in nothing but the white dress shirt in the winter.</p><p>He ignored the chill that ran the length of his thick arms as he unclasped his cloak. The shivers made him sick to his stomach.</p><p>He shrugged off the stares of all the soldiers whose names he didn’t know and draped the fabric over Charlie’s shoulders, focusing only on her trembling body. His cloak, sized for someone who wasn’t as little as she, looked like a blanket as it swallowed her body away. She was still shaking.</p><p>“Lessgo inside outta the cold.” He couldn’t stop the accent in his voice as Gelgar’s eyes bored into his back, watching him.</p><p>She nodded, and it was all the confirmation he needed.</p><p>Moblit was slowly taking charge of the situation with Major Bernard. And the Captain seemed absorbed in cleaning his blades. It was the perfect opportunity to leave.</p><p>Jamie made a swift exit, only noticed by Perdita and Gelgar, while the rest were distracted in the disorder. Gelgar made a devious expression as he passed by, and Perdita didn’t smack him this time.</p><p>Jamie led Charlie to the place he went to be alone with his thoughts, when the men’s’ barracks became too much.</p><p>The little room may have been used for something at some point, but had long since been abandoned. Extra furniture was stashed up against a wall, and crates were covered in sheets, but had been forgotten judging from the fine layer of dust that had settled.</p><p>Jamie didn’t mind the dirt. It made him more confident he could strum away at his guitar in peace, without Thomas trying to join in, and Gelgar making requests.</p><p>He let Charlie take the spot against the crates. He pulled up a box to the old fireplace, that had a small layer of charcoal already, from the nights he came to be with his own thoughts.</p><p>“Fire should be up any minute.” He said, building up a little triangular shape with the wood. He let the match rest in the middle, and watched it slowly eat away until the flames were consistent.</p><p>“The cold doesn’t bother me, you know that.” Charlie said plainly.</p><p>Jamie’s eyes caught the discoloration of scars on her outer wrists from where the cuff of her shirt had come up. The cold didn’t bother her, because it wasn’t a fire that would burn her. It’s why she didn’t want to move closer to the hearth even though her hands were icy and veined with blue.</p><p>Jamie hated it.</p><p>“Use my cloak then, if you’re gonna be stubborn about it.”</p><p>She let out a sound under her breath, and he knew it was her huffing when she was annoyed. She didn’t like being wrong, but curled up under the green cloak regardless.</p><p>Jamie poked at the fire with the rusted iron rod to try and get it hotter, even if he knew it was going to make Charlie sweat inside and out.</p><p>“How are things on your new squad?” She asked.</p><p>“It’s alright. Can’t complain. Section Leader Zacharias is a good leader. The squad is all close. Perdita and Gelgar still fight like rabid dogs.” He let out a laugh. “What about yours? Looks like… a lot.”</p><p>“I’m fine. Just tiring. There’s a lot of work to do here.” Her tight lips were more telling than she realized. She sounded exhausted, though Jamie would never say it out loud as she considered it <em>“rude to comment on a woman’s appearance without invitation.”</em></p><p>In Mitras she always seemed a bit wilted, even long after Shinganshina had gone and messed her up and beyond what Jamie could understand. But that’s how the city was. There was some sort of showmanship in her existence that always needed to be fed. Ceremonies to attend. Paperwork to do. Someone else to please because her last name demanded it.</p><p>She was a flower that had been deprived of sunlight, and maybe Jamie had been too optimistic to think that the Scouts were her way of trying to branch out to it. He didn’t know why else she’d leave everything behind, if not for the escape from it all so she didn’t go mad.</p><p>Jamie had thought of leaving Mitras several times seriously to the Garrison before their transfer. You had to be a certain kind of person to like the capital, and most of the simple, good country folk that moved there eventually fermented into a rotten wine. He could have had a good and easy life if he stayed close to the inner walls.</p><p>But if he had to leave knowing someone important to him was going to suffer, it wasn’t really worth it. He learned that the hard way once already.</p><p>“I’ll take watch, if you wanna nap.” He didn’t look away from the fire that was finally burning away greedily at the wood. He didn't want to know if she found the subtle comment on her exhaustion rude.</p><p>“Can you play something?” She asked quietly.</p><p>He had forgotten his guitar was sitting in its case in the corner. It was better left in the abandoned room, than in the men’s barracks where it was always being touched.</p><p>“Sure,” Jamie took his instrument from the case with care.</p><p>He started with the songs he knew well. One about a winding road home, another with lyrics that mellowed, a plucky tune that sounded adventurous, the love songs that were tender. And when he couldn’t remember any more, he made some up. It didn’t matter much; Charlie had already nodded off.</p><p>Her head was lolled stiffly, probably against her own will, in the same position she had been sitting in, just with her eyes closed. Even in her sleep she looked endlessly tired.</p><p>Jamie kept playing his guitar softly, only stopping to grab whatever dinner he could carry back to the room with him.</p><p>He played late into the evening, long after the sun went to sleep beyond the horizon and didn’t bother checking the time because it wouldn’t have mattered to him if it were past curfew or not.</p><p>Charlie was a light sleeper, and if the sound of him playing were keeping her asleep, he would just keep playing until his fingers bled.</p><p>He strummed a piece he was always hesitant to play when she was awake. His Pops played it for him and his sister as children, and said his Granddad played it for him. It was passed through their family, for more generations than his Pops could describe. It was meant to be played for blood.</p><p>Jamie looked over to Charlie, whose blonde hair was falling out of her bun. Even if she were to dye her hair dark, they weren’t anything alike. They’d never pass for relatives; they practically lived in different worlds before they met in the academy.</p><p>He wondered if his Pops would be upset that he was singing the song of their ancestors to her. He hoped wherever he was buried, he’d be resting peacefully, and understand that he didn’t really have anyone else to play it for.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“Being a ‘cocky bastard’ isn’t an indicator for performance, Levi.”</p><p>Erwin was giving him that look. The one where he didn’t look upset, but wasn’t impressed either. There wasn’t a space in his office he could stare into where he’d be able to escape it; his bright blue eyes would chase him.</p><p>“Doesn’t make it less true.” Levi argued, impatiently waiting for the tea to finish brewing on the table between them. Ordinarily he wasn’t counting down the seconds until it would be appropriate to pour himself a cup. It was better to wait and have a rich flavour. But it was only a matter of time before Erwin found the assessment he wrote for the Mitras brat he seemed to treasure so secretly.</p><p>Erwin shuffled through the papers and then readjusted himself on his sofa to get comfortable.</p><p>“I’ll have a word with Hange about this. It isn’t the first time you and Felix haven’t been able to resolve your issues more suitably. It’s all the men can talk about.” Erwin was still giving him that stupid face.</p><p>“Why don’t you let me settle it the way I know best? I’d say we’d have a better resolution after a few punches to his face.”</p><p>Erwin chuckled, quickly letting go of his objections. “While it would be amusing, my answer is still no.” He moved the paper from the right to the left, implying that it was a closed case.</p><p>The process repeated a dozen more times, filling Erwin's office with rhythmic sounds of shuffling paper, talk of soldiers, clinking of teacups, and a pen scribbling.</p><p>“You’ve written a small novel.” Erwin placed the paper down and the name <em>Charlie Avery </em>burned his eyes.</p><p>Levi leaned further into the armchair, away from it, and glaring at his teacup for giving him only tea and nothing better to say.</p><p>“I take it you don’t approve of the transfers.” Erwin had the slightest frown.</p><p>“The Weston brat is fine. His scores were decent enough. But the other Mitras brat... Erwin what the hell were you thinking? She’s going to get eaten alive out there.” The way she moved, crazily, was like she was avoiding being feasted on already. She looked unnervingly similar to prey escaping a wolf when he targeted her. That sort of behaviour just wouldn’t do.</p><p>Either fear consumed a soldier once they knew it, or a titan did. There wasn’t another option unless she could overcome it.</p><p>“I don’t see a cause of concern, I heard she got away from you.” He said with amusement.</p><p>Levi couldn’t stop himself from scoffing. He should say something.</p><p>“She’s shit, Erwin.” He said instead. “She didn’t meet any of the requirements.”</p><p>Between the brief silence, Levi had hoped this would be the part where Erwin was going to tell him what the hell was going on in his sunny little head. He was usually direct with him, with even his half-baked brilliance.</p><p>“I’ll pass your concerns off to Rashad. He’s overseeing Fourth Squad training. I spent a long time revising formation plans, and would like to avoid making changes.” </p><p>The formation map, clinging to a wall behind him, was mocking him. The incomprehensible scribbles were telling him that they were more trustworthy of Erwin’s plans than Levi was.</p><p>The conversation was over before it began. Erwin set down Charlie’s assessment into the pile, and moved to the next.</p><p><em>“Well wouldn’t you be, if the Commander of the Scout Legion was fucking your sister?”  </em>Paul’s stupid nasally voice was joining in on the ridicule.</p><p>If Erwin came right out and said it was true, he wasn’t sure if he’d be relieved or not.</p><p>Levi took a long drink from his cup, focusing on the warmth of the tea. He’d rather have the bitterness come from the black liquid. </p><p>The two worked late into the night. It was later than Erwin should have stayed up, but he was both stubborn and ambitious to complete everything at once. Their conversations rarely drifted off of anything non-work related. But that’s how Erwin was when he got in over his head.</p><p>He needed to sleep. He couldn’t function on less than three hours like Levi could.</p><p>“You should get some rest,” He reminded him.</p><p>Erwin gave a noncommittal grunt that sounded exhausted, and seemed to shelve the idea as he cracked open a book as Levi left.</p><p>He was fluttering between the idea of sleeping and getting another pot of tea going on the way back to his quarters when he heard it.</p><p>It was a faint sound of a guitar.</p><p>There were always soldiers who would sing, and make ruckus with instruments if they owned them. But this was different. It was a carefully practiced and crafted tune that reminded him too much of the Underground. </p><p>Levi crept along the maze of hallways until he found a room at the end that was aglow from the dying embers of a fire. The door was cracked only a sliver, but it was enough to peer into. He had practiced being a shadow enough that whoever was beyond the door, wouldn’t notice him.</p><p>The soft hum of a deep voice should have told him this was a private moment. Levi inched his head closer to the opening of the door. Invading spaces and privacy was a feeling he had grown to push away, when it had meant the difference between starving and surviving. But that wasn’t why he was looking; this was purely curiosity. He needed assurance that the person playing was not Jann, even if it sounded exactly the same.</p><p>The Weston brat was the one playing the guitar, and Levi could see the faint glimpse of gold hair in the corner. He stepped backwards, feeling both caught off guard and disappointed.</p><p>That stupid Mitras brat was everywhere. She was curled up, now looking like a rested doe rather than one being hunted.</p><p>He should have sent them both packing to their barracks and had them up at dawn to scrub the stables. He never got to properly reprimand her the first night for the way she walked around stiffly like she was superior to everyone.</p><p>The sound of the guitar was making him soft and nostalgic.</p><p>Jann used to play a guitar just the same way. His was missing a string, and was a patchwork piece put together from parts they had pulled from where the over-world dumped their garbage. But it sounded exactly the same when he would play for everyone at his gang’s compound.</p><p>Furlan was especially fond of the nights they would have to gather under one fire to stay warm, claiming <em>“They do this up there too. Get together around campfires and sing under the stars.” </em></p><p>His heart ached. It was a slow and somber song about <em>family </em>of all things.</p><p>Against his better judgment he left the two alone.</p><p>He returned to his room to distract himself, until he was too tired to avoid falling asleep.</p><p>In his dreams, he saw their faces. Their voices were like little cuts on freshly healed skin.</p><p>Isabel was as chipper as always, and Furlan had his goofy grin that didn’t suit their Underground home.</p><p>Levi tried to talk, but it felt like his mouth was full of sand. It’s how it always was when he dreamed of them. He never got to tell them he was sorry, or how much he missed them.</p><p>The only sounds that passed through his lips, was the ironic and provoking melody of a guitar.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>ENDNOTES yeeeee</p><p>Uh. Yeah this came out sadder than I wanted it to.</p><p>I was having a lot of trouble writing this chapter to where I was happy with it, so excuse the rhyming title, I ran out of inspiration for it lol.</p><p>My health issues are still * vibing * so not too much fun down here because my brain feels like mush after I look at a screen for too long. </p><p>Next chapter should be up in a few days, because I started writing it while I was taking breaks from this one.</p>
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